I struck in a lift

My real experience In lift with a beautiful girl

For some work I had gone to the office,

I took the lift instead of the stairs,

Because a beauty was waiting there ,

Not for me but for lift,

So that's why my decision shifted,

Her eyes  were black ,

Her face was white,

Her cloths were slightly and visibly 

Tight,

Me and my luck were on one side

She and her beauty were on another,

I was silent and she was messaging her mother,

The door got shut,

The door had lighted fire in my heart's hut,

The lift had touched first floor,

I said "hello" but she ignored,

The lift started trembling and then something happened ,

The girl grew afraid,

Her fear started it's raid

The god had filled my luck's mug,

The girl  had given me a warm hug,

A shock of an emotion was in current,

Just because the lift got fainted 

The girl asked what have happened,

I told her no problem

From then she started cooking talkative curry,

In my lunch I had strawberries,

I shared it with her,

Then mechanic came,

The god had played a very nice game

I forgot to ask her name

Author's Note

Thanks emipoemi for corrections

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Like this
It's cute
Take care

[writ rajat]

Thanks.......

[Mr.Writer]

A sweet and gentle story, until the end... :D
It was also humorous, and well explained!
Well done, keep it up Rajat!

[writ rajat]

Thanks. ...........

[Mr.Writer]

No problem :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

all that and wow, forgot to ask her name...kicking yourself for that i bet.

[writ rajat]

Thanks..................

[Sofia]

Nice one..just that the last line should be something better than "we out walk" cuz I feel it's incorrect...overall it's very nice :) keep writing 😊

[writ rajat]

You are nice

[Sofia]

Thank you :)

[Joanna Matilda Barlow]

Sounds like you wrote a poem pointing out love... Love at first shake. That's a real shaker. Nice. *Grins*

[writ rajat]

Thanks yes it is

[emipoemi]

.........the story is interesting......until near the end where it kind of falls flat, but the real problems lie in the fact that this is filled with grammatical errors too numerous to number off......the musicality (due to one of these errors actually gets lost around the middle of the poem.....and especially near the end)....the last line is not how English would phrase that thought at all, and you have two tense errors there. Forgive me for being so blunt, but by this poem, I can see despite English not being your first language you're not particularly proficient enough in it to be able to write such type of poems (unless those errors had merely been careless). This needs some grammatical tweaks and operations before it's deemed a good poem.....this is otherwise a good start, for you do show potential in this, and if you go ahead and operate on it, tuning it to perfection, you would very well have a gem on your hands.

[writ rajat]

Ty...............

[writ rajat]

It was written with battery 5 Percent

[emipoemi]

that would explain things, then.....but poetry should not be rushed....if you rushed through it due to battery charge decline (understandably), you might have considered reviewing/editing it a bit prior to posting. No?

[writ rajat]

Sorry for that I will review

[writ rajat]

Help me please

[emipoemi]

no need to apologize, it's just some advice. And it would take me a long time to list all the errors, so I'm just going to give you the general: some lines are missing articles ("the" and/or "a/an"), and many many verbs are in the wrong tense (should be switched to past). As you read through it, you should be able to find them.

[writ rajat]

It is corrected please see

[emipoemi]

Much better!!

You forgot the articles: "gone to THE office"; "instead of THE stairs"....."slightly BUT visibly" is better...."the girl GREW afraid" (similar instance in "lift got fainted" - should read "had")....."The door lit a fire in my heart's hut"....."girl asked me what HAD happened/ I told her NOTHING" ("nothing" is in concordance with the previous sentence)....."in current" I'm not sure is actually an expression, and I'm not sure poetic license can apply...."shared THEM with her" (strawberries are plural)....."I did not ask her name" would be better off as "I forgot to ask her name", but that should not come after "when the mechanic came" for then it would at first read be interpreted that you didn't ask the mechanic's name. Were it to read something along the lines of "when we were saved/I forgot to..." then it would be better.

[writ rajat]

Thanks for your precious time you are my idol

[emipoemi]

Aww shucks......thank you. Always happy to help.

[writ rajat]

Thanks. . ...