The Ballad of Mr. Higgins

A poem about my old English teacher, which I wrote in class over the duration of a lesson. Terrible teacher, but a nice man, albeit a bit odd.

In his moustache lies remnants of a past baguette

Hidden are the morsels of a tasty omelette

Grey and bristly is what that thing is

This is the ballad of Gerard Higgins.

A tweed coat envelopes his tiny frame

His hideous ties make me cringe with the shame

I'd jump for joy if it meant I could pass

His boring, horrendously pointless class.

I made the mistake of flirting with Higgy

Because now, to my horror, he wants to get jiggy

I cannot be arsed with his pitiful lecture

About metaphors, similes and bloody conjecture.

He thinks he's amusing with his tales of the past

Well Mr Higgins, you can kiss my sweet a*s

For I care not for poems about Colonel Shaw

And close reading papers? Just sook ma baws.

To conclude, little children, I once was a genius

At English, but thanks to that mouldy old penis

I'm failing to f**k, 'twas not my intention

'Why, Mr Higgins?' I moustache you this question.

Author's Note

Most of this poem was written in a 'Scottish dialect', as such.

Reviews

[Rc R. Vagilidad]

this brought me way back to college - to our horrendous teacher, well in fact it was just last year, i dont even want to remember sitting on his class. our speech communication teacher is somewhat like Mr Higgins, just a little bit not into sexual inclination though... he was totally in his andropause and spelling "BORING" is what i want to doodle in his bare-a*s. i nearly failed on his class, its not surprsing. LOL

by the way,
here's my review...
your choice of words here is just splendid. i wonder how you conjure such impeccable phrase, bit by bit into rhyming.. and not to fail the audience's amusement... i really enjoyed reading this... keep it up!! hope you get more reviews, and write more....KUDOS!

[RJM]

nice flow..is this about a real teacher =)) nicely written and good topic. Write more

[Melody-Rose;]

That's a really um... Interesting and funny poem. You're a good writer. Keep it up :)