Other Self

liquid flows downward,

burning follows after.

room starts to spin.

swallowing the last drop,

collapsing to the floor.

waiting for nothing.

 

light,

inhale,

take small breath,

exhale.

moments stretch out.

doing what I hate,

eating.

 

fire takes off in the lungs,

exhale to get it out.

a new reality formed,

from two small hits.

not readily available

ration equally.

 

little blue pill;

swallow quickly.

a day free of worry,

not memorable the next,

forget myself.

stay calm,

enjoy the ride.

Reviews

[Rehab Ali]

liquid flows downward,
burning follows after.
THE room starts to spin.
swallowing the last drop
I COLLAPSE to the floor,
waiting for nothing.

light,
inhale,
take A small breath,
exhale.

moments stretch out.
doing what I hate,
eating.

A fire takes off in the lungs,
I exhale to get it out.
a new reality formed,
from two small hits.
not readily available,
ration equally.

little blue pill;
MUST swallow quickly.
a day free of worry,
not memorable the next.

forget myself.
stay calm,
AND enjoy the ride.

I made a few changes to this that I hope you'll take into consideration. I just added some words in, that's all. Since you added the perspective of "I" in the second stanza, it sorta made sense to add it into the first before the verbs.

This is a really good poem; it's been written very beautifully. I wish we'd had a chance to share these ones with the class, because I know everyone else would have liked it as well.