drowning

drowning 

i’ve never fallen this hard for someone 

&

he screwed up my life 

& 

i can’t do anything without thinking of him 

&

it’s hard because it feels like i’m in constant free fall

i am drowning in his smile

his laugh

his eyes

his voice

&

not even he 

is here to save me 

so tonight

i let the water take me

&

maybe next time

he can rescue me with 

his smile

his laugh

his eyes

his voice 

&

maybe he can stop my free fall 

yes

he can stop it

wait.

i don’t need him

his laugh

his smile

the way his eyes give off a charming glare

&

i don’t need him to save me

no

no 

i can save me.

i breathe in water,

i am drowning again

i struggle more

i stop

look at the cool calm water 

and think

this could be it

i can end it here

but no

i wont drown in his deadly smile 

and crimson glare

i breathe 

this time there is no struggle

this time 

i am free

of his eyes

his smile 

his laugh

i am finally able to breathe

i am finally free.