a letter to beth

far to dangerous to be read aloud.

it's difficult to explain
why i am the way i am
why my brain is so difficult.
the sadness comes in waves
and covers me in a dark ocean.
sometimes it is only at my ankles
and i can get by okay.
but sometimes i struggle
to keep my head above the waves.
those days i cant even get out of bed.
i need a lot of time to myself.
i love you so much.
i just need time to think
and and catch my breath.
i'm so sorry when i reject you
or ignore you.
i need to pull myself out of the water
and i need to struggle
to build up my strength
so i will be ready for the next.
each wave is making me stronger,
but sometimes
i lose the will to fight
and take in water
and start to sink.
it happens.
we can't stop it.
soon i feel like the flood
will be too much
and i'll get caught in the tide.
soon i feel like it's going to be the one
that takes me under completely.
i love you too much to tell this to you.
i made you a promise,
sister to sister,
but these lows are getting
so much deeper.
i don't know how to save myself
these days.

Reviews

[Talismanic]

Literally breathtaking, the depth of feeling that comes through in your writing... Treading water is the perfect analogy...