fire starter

i doubt ill ever find the muse to write a happy one again. been about a year now.

 

I'm not that girl screaming that daddy didn't love me enough. 

That's why I'm a w***e.  Because daddy didn't hug me enough.  Daddy didn't love me at all. 

better find someone who buys your petty excuses. I won't hear it. 

 

Not that child denying everything.

What? Nothing happened. Oh it did but i wasn't there. I mean I didn't do it. I swear.

it seems practiced lines sound the same coming from a five year old as a grown man.

 

Not that boy saying I was drunk.

That's why I betrayed her. Because I was that drunk. I didn't know what I was doing.

no I didn't know what you were doing .  or understand it.

 

Not that fool who makes mistakes.

It was a mistake. I didn't know it was such a big deal. So what, it was just a little mess up. I'm human.

no ones so ignorant. 

 

Not the liar.

But there was a reason.  There's a reason. Always a reason.  You have to believe me now.

and i wish you to swallow your tongue and choke when this starts. 

 

Not the violent one.

Well now what. F this F that. anger all around.

strange to give others so much grief and explode when they can't hide it any more. 

 

Not the one who turns the tables.

You're not perfect either. What have you done? I know there has to be something.

nothing by comparison. know that. nothing yet.

 

Not the coward. 

Why do you always bring it up?  Just forget about it.  I don't want to hear this any more.

you shouldn't start fires you aren't ready to burn in. 

 

not coward in that way anyways.

coward all the same

stay with me. I love you. 

someone should put a bullet between my eyes 

 

Author's Note

tear it apart if you like. it's 2 poems really. maybe 3 depending on how you read it.