How Worthless

A story I had to write for school. I dunno. I thought it was pretty good. Any Constructive criticism?

                I stared blankly at the world ahead of me. The marks down my cheeks like forgotten train tracks for lonely tears. My desolate eyes reflect my destiny. The cold cement seemed to get farther away every time I looked down. I manage to throw the third “last glance” down the side of the building, similar to what I wished to do to myself. I was ready to leave this place, more prepared than anyone could have known. I was on the outskirts of a city that I couldn’t remember the name of, yet I knew this was the only way to truly forget.

            The soft glow of the street lights, the sweet perfume of autumn rain, the quiet murmur of the people below, muffled by the height of the building on which I stood. These were the last things I would see, smell, hear…but none of it wavered my calling from the dark asphalt far below me. I close my eyes, letting the last memories I had go. It was almost relaxing, knowing everything I had ever done, seen, felt, worked for…it was all as good as gone. I remember the people I thought cared about me, the ones who convinced me they would always be there. The same people who would later betray me; leave me. The ones who forgot.

            My mind wanders back many, many years, to a simpler time. I remember when my father first led me to the front yard, smiling excitedly, eagerly explaining that today I would learn to ride a bike. I remember the happiness in his eyes as I finally rode up to him on my own, the laughter when I stopped too quickly and popped my tire. It was the last time I remember him looking at me with love; with pride. If I would have known then that it was the last time I would see his smile, the last time he would tell me he was proud of me, the last time he would show me any emotion other than complete sorrow or anger, I would have held on tighter to these now faded memories. Now all I can see is the beer in his hand. All I can understand is his hands pushing me around, forcing me to the ground. All I can hear is the slurred shouts reminding me of how pathetic I was; how worthless.

            A smile played at my lips as my mother invades my memory. I close my eyes and remember her embrace. How she used to tell me stories of success and happiness. Her beautiful words caressed me with many fables of joy and relief. Her pretty lips spun such savvy tales of starting a family and skipping through life like it was a game.

 Little did I know those lips, seeming to drip with sweet truths, would turn into foul, grimy snarls of her newly found “honesty”. I could still remember running from her, headed to the front door. I glanced back, hoping to see any sanity left inside my always lovely mother who, for so long, I’d only known kindness from. That child-like hope was instantly crushed when she dug her sharp nails deep into my skin, pulling my terrorized, yelping face close  to hers one last time. Her eyes seethed with some sort of insane, unholy rage as her perfectly straight teeth snapped and spat out words that felt like a garbage disposal sounds. “I want you gone. Out. You’re everything less than perfect and sure as hell no daughter of mine. You’re a sick excuse of a child and I hope you leave and never come back! GET OUT!” Those last words fueled  my frantic sorrow as I scrambled out of the house. Tears nearly blinded me as I ran, her blood-boiling shrieks from the door fading off as I got as I ran faster. I got as far away as my feet would take me until I finally tripped, falling to my knees. I pulled my body into a tight ball, trying to regain feeling in me, anywhere. I was such a failure in this world, so incorrect, because I had convinced myself that she was so perfect. All my attempts to reach her level wasted, all my dreams fallen to pieces. It meant nothing at all, to anyone at all. How worthless.

            The sharp bang of the rooftop door snaps me out of my sordid memories. My head turns with confusion, who would be up here at this hour of night? I feel my eyes grow wide as I see Daniel, my only true love, approach me slowly. He shouldn’t be here. I think back to his voice on my cell phone, explaining how he would have to stay at work late for the 6^th time this week, the 20 something time this month. His pleading apologies invade my memories. He recognizes the confusion in my eyes, addressing it quickly.

            “I’m so sorry. I don’t…I mean…you can’t do this! Please don’t do this…” his voice trails off and I get lost in his desperate eyes. “This is my fault…I wasn’t staying late tonight. I was going to stop and get something to eat and bring it home to surprise you. I’m so sorry. I got home and I saw the note…” The note I jotted down shoots back into my memory. The few simple words I had planned on leaving behind; the time the note was written, why this was happening and where I would be in case they didn’t find my body before my note.

 I think he felt my eyes stray from him, regaining their empty nature, because he took another wary step closer to me. He tried to stay calm but I sensed his fear. My suspicion was confirmed when he spoke, for his voice shook with complete anxiety. “I know I’ve screwed up. I know I took you for granted and I hurt you. Hell, it should be me standing up on that ledge. But not you. Never you. I love you. And I need you more than anything. You mean so much to me. And I know sometimes I don’t act like it, but you’re the most important thing in my life. Please don’t leave me.” His words sunk in so deep, so quickly. A small flutter of hope entered my heart. Maybe I wasn’t so worthless after all.

 

Her eyes shift, and something clicks within her. I reach out slowly as she begins turning her body to me, her black, heeled boots crunching on the gravel and cement. She was ok. It was going to be ok! She was coming back down from the ledge, the horror was almost over. I watch her careful fingers reach out to me, and I waited cautiously for her hand to meet mine. When her careful palm met mine at last, I close my eyes and breathe a sigh of relief. But before I could close my hand I heard the sharp, terrorizing scrape of her boots. Her hand reached out spastically, flailing and searching for mine, but it was too late. Her heel had caught the edge of the building, and she was falling. My heart shoots immediately into my throat as I run to the edge where she fell, almost throwing myself over with her. I watched her helpless body rush directly into the ground, a sickening thud and a small crack echoing up the alley as she hits the pavement below me. Every word I uttered to her had fallen with her. Every hope I had now hit the ground with the same force. And as her life left her mangled body, my sanity left mine. Nothing had meaning to me any longer. How worthless.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A well written story. I like the way you set-up the character and the situations. The story had a sad tone leading the reader to the sad ending. You gave enough history of character to make the story have reason and purpose. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

Thank you for the review :)