"Not Home"

ots

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"Not Home"

Khatoon Hazara ||| 7.18.18

silly girl, silly girl

why do you love him so

why do you allow him to take control?

is he the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?

is he that special to you?

silly girl

silly girl

im not the one that you should hate

you said to wait for him, but i think now its much too late

does he know

does he know

that you cry

that you cry

for him

oh

does he know

does he know

that you bleed just to know

youre alive

and you feel like youre nothing without him

you breathe just to know youre with him

and that he may come along

but silly girl you are so wrong

am i stupid

am i gone

am i mad

to feel like 

you might ever

come back

i dont wanna be the fool

baby boy im not a fool

i ll never be a fool for you

i ll never run away for you

i ll never chave my face for you

i ll never go insane for you

i ll never be the same 

your name runs through these veins

i ll never feel the pain

with you its all the same

im not a pretty face

***

im not a pretty face

i feel you in my grace

youre every step i take

every move i make

every star i break

[whispered sobs]

its weird

how much you mean to me and you might not even know it

ive told you so many times and each and every time you tell me that you know

but do you

and then i get this feeling in my gut that you dont and youre just waving me away by saying you do

what is wrong with me

i feel so much

i get emotional

this is human

its human

i have emotions

i feel

but how come every time you come into perspective, it all changes

you told me it was natural

after

i told you that you give me comfort

your voice

reassures me

and it relaxes me

you told me that it was normal

[sigh]

but i wonder if i am just a casualty and i fear the worst and i think too much

and you hate it

and i -

im used to being hurt

so excuse me for my issues

i have a hard time with trust