Consciously Unconscious

ots

i prefer you dip me in a pool

shallow water always makes my ears pop

and then i can hear what ive been ignoring for so long

but when my ears pop, they tend to bleed

and i cant hear anything

let your wounded wings graze my skin

another heaviness can start to begin

what about the boulders on my heart

im scared youre gonna run away 

and its oh so dark

ive given my heart to so many 

ive known the losses of so many

i dont know my own kind of pain

i can go back

but whats that gonna change

ive scoured the brackets of my mind

ive told my mom a least a thousand times, i did

and what of the doctors, wont they help me

no i dont need

i dont want their pity

whats wrong with wearing a pretty dress

and twirling around 

the wind catching under

the waves crashing to the shore

whats wrong with showing you how much i love myself

my mom, she says

to be careful coz i make such a mess

smiling, my teeth pouring out my chest

hug me, itll only be for a beat

i dont like making sense anymore

i dont think im making sense anymore

its like the tar spilled out of its barrell

and time slipped on a banana peel

im half awake 

im half asleep

shake me out

whats happening

time goes on, and on, and on; but it swore never to let me know how long its been

i love being loose in this cage

it means i can act at any age

no one will scold me

coz no one will know

how much i yearn for, how im alone

and if youre reading this

then just know

im so delirious

its written in the walls of my bones

i love to walk on glass

coz in my head i dont bleed

but the heart yearns for

something it cannot heed

yes im a little crazy

but take a look at you

and if you dont find it there

youre one of them too

i dont even know who i am

who does anymore

i dont wanna find that person

she was lost from the start

and i dont wanna go back

its way too dark

im scared of the whispers that i hear

in the dead of night

i wish you were here

holding me tight

but no actual person

can quell all my demons 

you should know that by now

Reviews

[Nolo Segundo]

I suspect I'm several generations older and that this poem is in the 'rap' style, but your theme of alienation is timeless and universal. And the metaphor of '...written in the walls of my bones' is pure genius!