The Battle: For Freedom and For Revenge

we fought headless, with our hearts in our blades - bard

They were heartless, they were hideous

They were ruthless, they vicious

Raped our women, killed our children

Burnt our houses, took our produce

 

And they came and they came, just to come again

To rape, to kill, and to take away

Days of torment, nights of pain; we decide our fate

To fight back for freedom: a rebellion to end our pains

 

...

 

"Hey-!"

We marched to the fields to stake our claim

Forks on guard, machete hands

Sun up high, "-here they ride!

This is it! No going back now!

If we die today, we die as men!"

 

"For freedom!! Charge!!!"

Fathers and sons, brothers and uncles

Husbands an in-laws, fighters of freedom

Onward we plunged, for freedom, for revenge

 

...

 

We cried, we killed, we died

We fought like demons and gods

Our frustrations and hearts in our blades

We danced the bloody dance of war

 

Blood in sweat, steel on steel

Forks in throats, machetes in lungs

Sun on the plains, guts on leaves

Survivors flee, choreography of victory

 

...

 

Free at last, yet we cried

For years gone by and for the peace to come

For we can go home now and hug our wives

"ssh...stop crying, it's all over now"

Author's Note

I saw the battle, in my head. I smelt blood, felt anger and frustrations... ugly imaginations...kill the visuals lord! kill the visuals!!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The wars in the many dangerous places in the World. Are scary. The poor woman and children pay the price for hatred of men. A very powerful poem. I wish man will learn. Killing another take a spark of life from our world. Could of been the spark of life to save us all? Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[TL Boehm]

War is hell. This poem touches on that so well.

[kmf]

very powerful imagery

yes, war is terrible (and some things are worth fighting for)

really feel adrenalin - pre-war bravado, then fear, overcome: "forks on guard, machete hands" - vs - "forks in throats, machetes in lungs" Would like, as reader, to have the forks and machetes repeated; perhaps, in the aftermath returned to kitchen & pastoral use.

could maybe use expansion: has visual and some audible but more sensory (olfactory, tactile, taste even) to draw your readers in even more

some typos (trip up a reader like me)

while I like "survivors flee, choreography of war," felt the rhythm was interrupted (read aloud)

if it moves you, worth working on

[once upon a time]

I think this is really good! Lots of imagery. Really paints a picture.

[Poetic Beauty]

There are many times in history that this poem can represent. Wars are never easy and turmoil and loss of lives can never be avoided. You have described the need to be free for really freedom is one of the biggest things to fight for.

[Leslie Philibert]

An impressive poem, full of action, a story told....

[kingblaq]

thanks for the review

[Tomi]

My, Oh my!.. This is raw and brutal! it reminds me of a movie i saw recently: Saving Private Ryan..the world is a cold, cold place! Amazing write! may Peace reign alas! well done!
Blood in sweat, steel on steel
Forks in throats, machetes in lungs
Sun on the plains, guts on leaves
Survivors flee, choreography of victory

[kingblaq]

bro, thanks for the review.
this piece sure doesn't remind me of a movie, but a bad dream...*shakes head* I'm trying to forget (an exaggeration of the subsidy stuff) may peace reign!

will watch that movie