Flaws of Perfection

Perfection is a flaw.

A fragment of my memory,
A moment I shan’t forget.
As I gazed around for my companion
My sight caught him instead.

His golden locks of hair,
His silver-freckled eyes.
His svelte figure in the glow,
From dusty ballroom skies.

I had forgotten how to breathe,
as he glanced my direction.
Who could possibly tear their eyes away
From absolute perfection?

His voice was like the ocean,
His defiance, an enchantment.
He was everything I truly wanted,
With only him, I felt contentment.

I loved him like I’ve loved no other,
My love became an obsession.
He claimed the feelings were mutual,
and starved for my affection.

But how quickly he would change his mind,
 And run from me with childish rage.
Though he always found his way back to me,
To say he needed me, he’d stay.

Then when things turned for the worst,
When I needed him the most,
He stepped back from me and walked away,
With my heart and only hope.

I am speaking to you now,
My love, my beautiful in awe.
You will forever be my tainted angel,
For perfection was your flaw.

 

Reviews

[Corvus]

This is amazing. So heartfelt, and the rhymes are really well done. Great job. I can't wait to read more of your poetry! I especially loved these lines:

His golden locks of hair,
His silver-freckled eyes.
His svelte figure in the glow,
From dusty ballroom skies.

Then again, they were all amazing. By the way, I appreciate the critique on my work! Keep at your awesome poetry : - )

[HarperRoseValente]

This is really good! And its a ballad! I cant do ballads, but youre obviously really good at them! :-D

[Francez]

Great write!
You're really good in picturing the emotion that captures the heart of your reader.
I especially like the conclusion in the last stanza 'for perfection was your flaw'.

[Frantzuu]

Great poem, I can feel the passion, the struggle. You put heart and soul in this piece, and your word choice adds a mystery to the poem. Great job. :D

[Unwelcomeguest]

Good poem there. I like (well not like as such, that would be cruel) the story you tell here and you do tell it well. However for many of the stanzas there were moments where I felt the line should be longer or shorter to fit the poems rythmn. "from absolute perfection" to me sounds better as "from /such/ absolute perfection" it just follows the flow of your poem, as I understand it, better. Also in that stanza you miss out in. I won't point every one of these, I really don't believe I could write your poem any where near as well as you can, but maybe just go through nodding your head to that wonderful beat you set out in the first few lines. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[Ethan Paz]

Deep. Love is always complicated. Good write and keep it up. I lke the last stanzas.