Happy Fourth of July

My anniversary is on the fourth of July.

It was the Fourth of July.

Rain poured down the gray sky.

The patriotic fireworks were nowhere to be seen,

So I guess you decided to shoot some up me.

I'm starting to forget what summer sixteen meant to you.

The hours I spent in your lap, the dates you never took me to.

I remember how a kiss could fix anything,

Your giggles when my lips reached yours always tugged on my heart strings.

Did you know what you were doing in that basement?

Taking me in your arms, putting me in your enslavement.

I still remember the kiss

Eyes shut, smiling mouths touching, who knew I'd be thrown in this abyss?

When did everything go wrong?

Why are we now just dragging along?

When did my wonderful dreams turn into horrifying nightmares?

Why is she now just everywhere?

I would never wish harm on anyone, god knows not you.

But god, why do I hope it broke you seeing my heart break in two. 

I never want you to experience this pain,

But maybe I just want you to have loved me enough that the sight of my heartbreak sent shivers in your veins.

I realize now I could never want you to be hurt

But did it cause anything, seeing me sobbing in your sweatshirt?

Love comes with pain, maybe that's why I want to know

Did your stomach turn watching me go?

I could never want to break your heart.

I just want to know you love me enough that something happened while you watched me fall apart.

It'll never be about making you feel the way I felt,

Please just tell me my tears were hot enough to make you melt.

Please tell me you truly do regret it

Please don't say you wanted to throw me in this pit.

Please don't tell me you didn't love me enough for my tears to effect you

Please say you didn't want us to be through.

I hope it isn't an excuse

I hope you weren't trying to let me loose and put me on a noose

I hope you mean it when you say it was the voices

I hope it wasn't just your choices

Had it been the other way around

Would you have a melt down?

Would you shiver the way I do if I called you those names again

Would you blame me for causing a hurricane?

There's so much more to say

So many more unanswered questions and feelings to convey.

I'll let you go with this one final thought

You knew my weak spot.

Author's Note

Very personal poem about my experience with love and cheating and heartbreak. Please give me feedback, how'd it make you feel, did you experience anything similar, did reading this make you feel anything?

Reviews

[Relic]

There are no promises when it comes to being in love with someone. What starts out perfect and happy can shatter into pieces for unknown reasons. Maybe its mood or differences of opinions or maybe fatigue from being together too much. There are many reasons. All can be sad. Super sad.

[Katerina Grev]

It's so sad going down memory lane and remembering all the things that were said and how they mean nothing now, leaving you always wondering what went wrong

[Relic]

Sometimes we find things out years later. For now, time must move on.

[rowan.taylorrr]

so much hurt, so much pain and so much honesty. this piece made me feel like I wanted to give you a huge hug and just discuss life with you and I just love this piece. please keep writing

[Katerina Grev]

thank you so much, i really appreciate the feedback, and it was based on a true story so the feelings are real.