Dream India

Dream India

A Poem by Riddhi
"

This poem i wrote for my dearest motherland. This is my dream about how my nation should be.......

"
What dreams  were seen
By freedom fighters for our nation?
All of us know although
They are nowhere mentioned.
Some of them were of a corruption-free
And an Independent nation,
But do you think with present India
They have any relation?
Britishers have definitely gone,
But because of corrupt politicians
We are still to mourn.
Why only the government is put to blame?
We are also having our share in it the same.
Have not we somewhere
 Forgotten our duty as citizens?
To be loyal and never give any bribe
Or take any bribe.
Come on, let us take an oath
To follow our duty as a citizen,
Then only we can make
Dream India as our nation.................

© 2015 Riddhi


Author's Note

Riddhi
This is my dream , a 15-yr-old girl's dream , about how my country should be. I am sure that if we all follow our every duty as citizen as described in the poem above the definitely dream India can become each one's nation.

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Reviews

I think Nigel Newman has written beautiful review on behalf of all WC writers. Really interesting insight. Your poem is a reminder to all the youths of this country to gear up and lose laziness in pursuit of greatness. This greatness will lead India to new dimension - an era of reforms that we have been looking for since Independence. I think your speech and countrymen's intentions make India great once more (after Vedic era). Thanks for sharing.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Riddhi

8 Years Ago

Thanks for reviewing
Riddhi I found this very refreshing. It might surprise you that I found myself comparing it to Marc Anthony's famous 'Friends, Romans, Countrymen ...' speech. Both are a call to action. But Shakespeare was writing of a cynical manipulative politician, while you speak from a pure heart with no guile and no irony.

I'll happily call it a poem but actually to me it's a speech from a soap-box or lectern.

I think you have an opportunity to 'milk' the opening rhetorical question a bit more. You could easily have three or even four rhetorical questions rather than just the one. This might dramatically build up even more the vision of the brave new world for which they fought.

I think you have a similar opportunity around the 'Have we not forgotten our duty ...' part. Again, you could add accompanying lines in the same vein and spirit, thus building up even more the collective guilt, sadness and shame that you presumably seek to instil into the reader.

I'm not sure about why you need 'bribe' twice. I can't detect a meter that stays through the whole poem so I don't see any reason for it rhythmically. I suppose you might argue that it increases the emphasis by repeating it. But to me it was a bit clunky - why not 'neither give nor take any bribe'. Thinking about this a little more, I can imagine that there are famous instances of bribes that have made the national news and led to public officials, politicians and businessmen being pilloried. So i wonder if 'bribe' is enough. Could you spell out or refer to some examples of the consequences this practice has led to, e.g. inappropriate drugs purchased, building safety compromised, etc etc. This might only need a few words but they might increase the impact beyond the use of a generic word like 'bribe'.

I think it might be more powerful to 'swear' an oath.

Final suggestion is to have 'citizens' rather than 'a citizen' at the end. Around that part you refer to 'us' and 'we' so it would better fit with the words around it. Even better might be to remove the 'as citizens' part altogether because it's already there only a few lines earlier.

Hope this helps
Nigel

Posted 8 Years Ago


Riddhi

8 Years Ago

Really very helpful review sir ....I can just hope that review my every poem so i can make even more.. read more
Captured my feelings perfectly :) We are the new generation of India and we must strive to make it a better place to live in :)
Beautiful language and inspiring words!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Riddhi

8 Years Ago

Thank you for reading my poem and yes really we are the future of india and it is our duty to make i.. read more
Wise beyond your years young lady. Corruption in government from the highest level to the lowest in many countries is prevalent. It seems to happen more in developing countries such as India, Philippine and many other nations. You must stand as you have and speak up until enough voices rise up to be heard and maybe then the wealth will be shared and your nation will grow even more.

Well done.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Riddhi

8 Years Ago

Thank you sir...For spending your precious time in reading my poem and yes i will speak up against a.. read more
Beautiful poem .....yah this is not the India our ancestors wanted it to be... but we can surely make the change.... you ended it in a positive note too... good one....

Posted 8 Years Ago


Riddhi

8 Years Ago

Thank you sir and yes we can definitely change our country if we do our duty sincerely.....
Nice poem. Indeed, it is in our power to improve our nation and the world itself, however, without proper guidance and proper views this power goes to waste.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Riddhi

8 Years Ago

Thank you...your review is really helpful and yes to change our nation we need to first change ourse.. read more
Very nice poem.. and commendable. Thanks for sharing.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Nice poem.....good to know young india really feels about making our country how it deserves to be

Posted 8 Years Ago


I like your poem, I like your love to your country. Thank you for sharing.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Wow....Super
nice to know your think about dream india....
Nice


Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on December 9, 2015
Last Updated on December 9, 2015

Author

Riddhi
Riddhi

India



About
I am Riddhi , a 17 year old girl , a proud Indian...My friends say that i am antic but i am not antic rather i am unique..I am queen of mood swings and its really difficult to handle me...I love trave.. more..

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