The waves of a concrete ocean.

finally!!! my writers block is no more!!!!

 

The waves of a concrete ocean.

 

The rain seems to pour down now,

Harder than ever

Each little drop infiltrates the confines of my soul

My once calm ocean of consciousness

 

Miniature bullets, piercing into its depth

Creating an elastic motion

As the waters push downward

Then hurdle, suddenly into the air

Jumping for freedom

Gasping for air

Separating themselves from the bleak conformity below

 

My once pure, serene surface

Now intoxicated, by society’s influence

To numb the senses

Ease the pain

That never truly existed

 

Distorting my reflection of the world

And the worlds reflection of me

Turning my ocean a bright crimson

What used to be so smooth yet so concrete?

Now melts into the vague

A formless shape  

 

As the water ripples,

Like the pulse of a thousand different earthquakes

Spreading out until their boundaries meet

Only to be separated once again

By, new, pure, forceful liquid jewels

Dropping from the skies of gray

 

Unaware of how their fates shall meet

In this cycle of distortion

Amid the waves of a concrete ocean

Author's Note

finally!!! my writers block is no more!!!!

Reviews

[Pakino]

The imagery is interesting how you used water and ocean to describe the feeling of truth and freedom that one experiences getting rid of the block.

[Ryan]

Kyle, YOU GIVE ME CHILLS WITH THIS POEM. it's amazing. i have nothing really to say that could impove this anymore than it is. OH AND I LOVED THE ENDING. It was so ..... errrrrrrrrrr .... I CANT DESCRIBE IT, but it gave off a really natural feeling. The whole poem flows so well.

[Anton Cancre]

The imagry is very strong here. You're working well with the theme without feeling the need to bludgeon us. nice. My only issue is that sometimes the flow gets a little clogged up, but some well placed word-pruning could fix that fairly easily.

[Lexy]

i'm glad that you're writer's lock is over! I hate it when i get writersblock. This is a great piece. You write aout society's effect on you. Makes me realize how effective the society is on all of us.

[nightmask]

I like this it reminds me of a storm and it made me remember the fact that if you jump off a bridge and hit the water it feels like hitting concreate :)