ROAMER'S CHORUS

ROAMER'S CHORUS

A Poem by kublakhan27
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06 28 10

"
A penny to a well
is how my hand goes to your waist
to campaign for animation
of the sway that fear erased
Does longing have a vocal
independent from the rules of rhyme
not a pendulum but a sundial
to unfurl the time
I venture to divine from
our elastic history
Should I try to hang a note
or will you drum it shut on me?

© 2012 kublakhan27


Compartment 114
Compartment 114
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Pax
"Does longing have a vocal"
~just great...a beautiful write...short and brief...with a profound sadness...

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Thanks very much^^
I think I like it... Truthfully I am confused by it, though I bet that is my fault since I just woke up.
It seems really good anyways! :D If I was awake I would probably love it! xD

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ella

11 Years Ago

I dont have meds. Id have to tell someone then.
kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Oh I see...I got to a point where I didn't have much of a choice.
Ella

11 Years Ago

Ah, I hate when that happens. Live with me for a month and you'll see why there isn't a choice to te.. read more
the opening line is so good here, works perfectly in tying the reader into another world

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Many thanks^^
Great flowing write I Like the word choice and imagery.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Thanks very much^^
Toying words flowing together so divinely and fluently, well penned, it's got great rhythm ;)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Thanks very much :D
Castonovia

11 Years Ago

My pleasure ;p
Very catchy and creative. I like the subtly of poignant and profound diction. Great write. :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Many thanks :)
I liked the flow and use of metaphors. Well written (:

Posted 11 Years Ago


kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Thank you :)
An interesting poem ... but since you have chosen to use a rhyme scheme why not try using measured lines ... meter? Like ...

A wishing penny to a well
is how my hand goes to your waist
to campaign for animation
of the sway that fear has erased

Two added words and you have four lines of 8 beats (syllables). Meter gives the poem a natural rhythm and since you've already gone to so much trouble (work) spend a little more time and make it perfect,

Good stuff, this is ... nice touch of humor!

Posted 11 Years Ago


kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Thank you :) I use all kinds of different meters actually...I'm sure I have at least one here that f.. read more
Such a great, great flow I read this without stopping lol. Very intimate and great use of wording awesome job!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed it :)
Found via my news feed, must say I am impressed. Great work here.

Posted 11 Years Ago


kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Thank you :)

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597 Views
11 Reviews
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Added on August 10, 2012
Last Updated on August 10, 2012
Tags: penny, well, hand, waist, sway, longing

Author

kublakhan27
kublakhan27

Nova Scotia, Canada



About
My first book is out! Any comments that anyone may have to offer regarding my work would be deeply appreciated, as I'm yet to get a review. www.amazon.com/Waltz-Around-Swirls-Steven-Fortune/dp.. more..

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