REMEDIAL SUN

08 28 12

"I have been studying how I may compare
This prison where I live unto the world;
And for because the world is populous,
And here is not a creature but myself,
I cannot do it.  Yet I'll hammer it out."
             -Shakespeare, Richard II, Act V.I

The world I fathom rhetorically orbits
around the whirr of a dust-peppered
triad of turbine limbs
inbreeding infinitely as electricity's
treaty permits
into a smorgasbord whirl of
processed plastic white

A remedial sun I compose
to counter outside's oven bulb
in the world I do not fathom

Heat's sniper of humidity
is not lost on me
with no canonized sense
even to establish it with

And even my own remedial sun
restricts a reality-knighting touch
with its ozone cage pried open
in unseen haste - a victim
of college's fugitive waltz
encased in the jazz fusion dance hall
of the world I cannot fathom

Is there a dual left-footed
interpretive dance of a carbon dimension
outside of reality's steaming kitchen
to fathom me?

Author's Note

I can't remember the last time I've been so depressed upon posting one of my works. This poem is the equivalent of throwing my hands in the air, then burying my head in them. I wrote this literally just minutes ago, and it took about an hour. I'm struggling...this is the first thing I've written in a month or so. Maybe there is some solid poetry in here, but it doesn't feel like it. Anyways, enough of the sob story. Here's my newest poem...I imagine I'll go back to it sometime.

Reviews

[The Random Writings Of ..]

Throwing your hands up in the air and burying your head in them??? My friend, your work here is a spiral of words that produces pain and you stated a world you cannot fathom. It is a place of darkness in which you will overcome. You may see this as a piece that is not solid, but I disagree. It is authoritative, strong, and the analogy's used to describe the state of mind are unwavering. Your quote at the beginning sets up the mood for the piece perfectly. Well written

[kublakhan27]

Thank you so much Kate...that really does make me feel better and more confident than I did before I posted it *hugs*

[Ashira Macy]

I don't know why you feel fed up with this one. You say you put a lot of work into it, which I do not doubt, but it flows off of the page so fluidly that you would think you wrote it in your sleep. The imagery in this is immaculate and something that I think many story writers should take note of. For someone with writer's block you still write a hell of a poem my friend!

inbreeding infinitely as electricity's
treaty permits
into a smorgasbord whirl of
processed plastic white

This line was particularly pleasing to me. I haven't seen the word smorgasbord used in writing before and it tickled my fancy. Well done, great write!

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much for the lovely review Ashira, it brought a big smile to my face :) I was depressed and melting in humidity when I wrote this, and actually had been fighting the block for two or three weeks beforehand...as irony would have it, it has since evolved into a personal favourite, and my list of 'personal favourites' is extremely short haha So glad you enjoyed this one :)

[Ashira Macy]

I am glad you have come to see this one for the masterpiece that it is my friend. =)

[MsJewel]

You may be struggling, but your readers would never know it. I can feel the pain and emotion in your words. There are so many lines worth remembering. Truly outstanding poetry my friend. Your talent never ceases to amaze me.

:) Julie

[kublakhan27]

Thank you so much my friend, you inspire me more than you know :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Is there a dual left-footed
interpretive dance of a carbon dimension
outside of reality's steaming kitchen
to fathom me?

Read this remarkably original metaphor and the ponder the depth of its meaning. You writing is hand is as strong as ever … Bravo.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Pryde, your support truly means a lot.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

It is funny...I read the piece, and had the feeling of a sort of pained and frenzied poet, and then I read your author's note. Personally, I think that this one, certainly on an emotional level, is absolutely stellar. You hit all of the marks when it comes to flow and imagery, and your own unique style of wordplay. I would call this anything but a "throwing up of the hands". A touching write, indeed.

[kublakhan27]

It's funny how fickle we can be as artists with the mirror of our own work looking back at us...I live in mood-themed bunches that on occasion culminate with works of this sort...pieces such as this one and Unfair Grounds more recently are beacons of despairing times in my life...I was in the exact same mood writing this one as I was when I wrote that one, and both occupy the same space in my psyche now...the frustration that accompanied the circumstances of this write have evolved into satisfaction as I now cite this one as a personal favourite, one of my top-five without question...that's not to say I still don't wanna throw my hands in the air when I read it, but no longer do I do it in frustration over what I thought was a poor poem...you're the first person to refer to it as touching, and that means a great deal to me...thank you Sarah :)

[John Phoenix Hutchinson..]

Ha on your authors note we have all been there and will be back for more!!

This poem is of the type that does run erratically and occasionally stabs out at you....and that is not meant as a criticism oh no! That is what makes this poem actually better than you perceive it........yes its raw........but that's what gives it the energy and authority.

[kublakhan27]

Haha I hear that my friend...I won't speak for all writers on this front, but I know that when I write a piece such as this, the frustrations that gave birth to it don't die on impact with the poem's completion...you not only read this poem perfectly but you read me perfectly as well, tapping into those frustrations and insecurities in the wake of such an erratically-delivered message...it is indeed one of the rawest things I've ever written, and I'm just relieved to hear it helped the piece and didn't hinder it...your word is one I've always valued highly in reviews, thank you John :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

i think your mere frustration of not being particularly able to write a piece has given you an amazing angry ability to (ironically) write a really good piece! i could feel the frustration in the work and i actually thought it was rather well written. my favorite part was:
"And even my own remedial sun
restricts a reality-knighting touch
with its ozone cage pried open
in unseen haste - a victim
of college's fugitive waltz
encased in the jazz fusion dance hall
of the world I cannot fathom"
those images are strange and wonderful. thanks for sharing- and keep writing out your frustrations.

[kublakhan27]

It is an irony that is sweet while it lasts...rarely does it translate into something like this, which has actually evolved into one of my personal favourites over time...thank you for reading and tapping into it as you have :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

Never a problem! I'm glad you've come to enjoy it.

[kublakhan27]

:)

[Angi]

You are throwing your hands up with this one, huh? Well, I don't know why, Steve. Not at all. Your words spin and spin and whirl into a tornado of frustration. I feel like you are asking the world to really get you, but you feel like you don't get yourself sometimes. I am a very literal reader (and writer) So, I could be totally off base. This feels like poetry to me. Angi~

[kublakhan27]

You are unmistakably spot-on Angi...it's interesting you found this one as there are many parallels between it and my most recent piece, most notably the frame-of-mind in which they were written...they're like psychological beacons, words and sentiments that pile up in my conscience over a period of time and spill out into one distinct poem in one distinct stretch of turmoil...I felt the same way after writing both pieces, yet this one has evolved into one of my personal favourites, top five if not less...the new one is not ready for such judgement yet haha Thank you as always for reading, and understanding.

[Angi]

I am not always sure that I give your work the justice it clearly deserves. I have to try so hard to let words get in me. I feel like a dummy a lot of the time. You don't feel blocked to me, Steve. I think you have great talent.

[kublakhan27]

If you look at various reviews of past works, you'll notice that there is a very small group of people that are truly dialed into me...you are one of those select people...there is no need for you to feel that way on any matter, dear friend...you speak to me, and you hear me when many just see me talking.

[KAOlmsted]

Ah, I love that last stanza. Correction, I love every word of this piece but I want to roll around naked in that last stanza. (I'll do it, too...)

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Kim, I'm rarely able to find this kind of accuracy in expressing my general mindset, and it's one of my favourites for that reason...it might even be my undisputed favourite on some days...the fact that you like this one means a lot :) You couldn't take a picture of that could you ;P

[KAOlmsted]

HA! I was all dour and deadly serious and what not reading this :-p and then I nearly swallowed my tongue laughing ;-) Sure, what the hell. xD

[kublakhan27]

LOL And my response followed the very same pattern ;)

[KAOlmsted]

Ha! What on earth are They going to do with us...we are incorrigible ;-)

[kublakhan27]

Haha Indeed ;)

[Pete Langley]

I could pick this piece to pieces, but it seems to have a basic truth about it in a way. Some of the phrasing produces a Dali-like abstract sense. You seemed to say it in the first line. In fact, for the main part, the humanistic world revolves around rhetoric - which produces all sorts of interpretations or none at all. Making sense of it is a nonsense. I like the punchline at the end. P.

[kublakhan27]

The opening passage really set the tone for what followed, even though it never occurred to me to open with it till I actually finished writing...everyone makes a big deal about Hamlet being the ultimate statement on soul searching but I find much more solace in Richard II, which is a lesser-known play, but then again, they're all lesser plays when compared to Hamlet...yes I am a Shakespeare buff haah Whatever the case, it's very rare that I'm able to dig into myself as deeply as I have in this one, and it's a personal favourite for that reason...thank you Pete for your in-depth observations.