SWALLOWED STANZAS (Extended)

12 13 10 - 02 09 13

I.

Brimstone sentiments accrue between my ears
Infernos of intent evaporate the frazzled tears
I was collecting for a pool of solace in which I could dip
my flaming head when hot environments unlocked my frozen lip

II.

Sometimes I think my stomach imitates a salt mine
when I swallow the prescribed advice on which I daily dine
Nightly I receive the water from the serpent glass I swear
is filled by no one but replenished by sin vapors hiding in my air

III.

Lip balm loopholes agree with my unworthy fingers
on the manner in which solemn moods impale lipstick bringers
but with nothing keen to paint with, bluntness is my only hope
though the words are always sharper than the shiniest erection scope

IV.

Incense shivers up its spiny stairway to the air
circulates a coat of cloud and hits the highway of my hair
I can rip a wafting route into a rash of tributaries
and apply a sigh of smog to each and commute and breathe obituaries

Author's Note

I never imagined I'd be writing anything "by popular demand" but many of you suggested I keep this piece going when I first unveiled it, so I've added two more stanzas...I don't think they're up to the standard of the original two, but if the feedback proves me wrong (like it did the first time around haha), maybe I'll make it a running project...I can't BELIEVE this piece is already two-plus years old O_o

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

I keep reading and then reading again... and again. It's like a new form of heroin that is assimilated, not by the prickly spoonful but by the modulation of photons that impale the eyes with mental glyphs of lingual resonance. Each stanza is a different dime bag of worldly origin; a thing to be unwrapped slowly, carefully; as with a word junky's ritual homage. The product is sniffed, tasted on the tip of the tongue, and then gently warmed to an effervescent bubbling state... until it is ready for that laser-like transit across time and space where it rushes to spread throughout the mind in an intoxicating reverie of electric-like euphoria; then comes the bliss of mysterious, complicated possibilities.

How fitting... my Khan, your visage of poppy field origin that befriends and soothes while chaining the reader to you with this most ancient addiction of the soul. Should we continue to meet in the dark corners of the cafe? The ones where pleasantries are exchanged above the table while small packages slide beneath it from hand to hand... or should I just rat you out to the literati? You know the problem with junkies, don't you? They just keep wanting more and more... and more is never enough.

[kublakhan27]

Haha you always leave me tongue-tied my friend (or finger-tied), in a good way of course :) I actually tried to tie them together, but I also wanted each one to have its own identity...thank you as always for taking the time to digest my stuff and offer feedback that is creative - if not more creative - as the writing itself :)

[Luke L]

whoa awesome piece! Is this supposed to be sexy? Maybe I am just a pervert in thinking that

[kublakhan27]

Haha I don't think it's out of the question...thanks very much :)

[Luke L]

no worries dude

[quixotic_rose]

........keep .......going....need.....MORE
well not that it needs more, i would just like more. its the style in which you write it thats rather catching, and then the subtle rhymes and meaning woven inbetween. speaks to my soul. lovedloved luffles

[kublakhan27]

I think I will keep the door open on this one, returning to it whenever it happens to call me back ;) Thank you as always for the kind words...it means the world :)

[kublakhan27]

This, dear writer, is beautiful, original, honest, and so recognizable to me personally ... your words are special, they give a good representation of what you try to explain here. I got by this write an over all feeling of you, in all ways. I do appreciate the way you're and your splendid way with words. For me much to learn from you :) thank you my friend. I will read more of you soon!

- Elisa

[kublakhan27]

Thank you so much Elisa, I'm truly touched to know my writing resonates so deeply with someone, and to have that someone make their feelings known to me so openly :) Your support is a blessing and I truly cherish it...thank you, and I will be sure to visit your catalog soon :)

You're most welcome, your soul is deep. I love deep thinkers. :)

[kublakhan27]

Sometimes I think I'm too deep for my own good :)

Well that is just amazing, my friend... rather deep the superficial ;-)

[kublakhan27]

Haha very true ;)

Oh yeah... :D glad you're on my caliber then he he

[kublakhan27]

Haha very much so...it hasn't taken me long to notice that :D

:) no, me either :P ha! :))

[kublakhan27]

Hehe ;)

[H Marie]

what an amazing piece of work. well done

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much^^

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

This is both highly original and highly readble, is it just me or can I sense your evolution as a poet?

This feels like intensely your own.

Your peculiar perception and your alchemy of suffering.

[kublakhan27]

It never crossed my mind as I was writing it, but it has indeed taken on the feel of a personal evolution for me as I go back to it in the aftermath, especially in light of the long stretch of time between writing the first and second halves...I am happy and maybe a little relieved to know that you were able to sense those things...thank you my friend for reading and complimenting.

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

Yes it is absolutely pulishable.

[kublakhan27]

:)

[Marie Rose Elias]

I can surely relate to this

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much, I'm glad you like it

[Destinyxi]

I read this first thing when I woke up, so I wasn't really in the right mind set haha (zombie mode and all). So I had to re read it.

I'm loving the rhyming. My brain is too warped to make sense of your high tech language :P

BUT from the other reviews, and from knowing you, your writing is always awesome, and others can see that too.

One thing I did notice though, is you used air twice. First in the second stanza then in the last. Not sure if you noticed.

Keep it up champ :)

[kublakhan27]

Haha it's okay, I tongue-tied myself a few times through the course of this, trying to make sure I had the right meter and all that...I did know about the "air" and I actually reversed the third and fourth parts so those two lines wouldn't be back-to-back...I'm glad you mentioned that though cuz I'm if not sure if anyone else noticed, and you're the first one I mentioned this to :)

I can now say beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are the single biggest influence I've ever had on my writing...I've known you longer than any other friend I have (and I don't have many to begin with) and you were the one who brought me here...all of the support and compliments I've gotten in my time here would not have been possible without you...you've made a great impact on my life and I cherish your support and your understanding (cuz I'm not easily understood) more than you probably know, even after ten-plus years...thank you Kels, for everything :)

[Destinyxi]

psh, anytime ;) *hugs*

[kublakhan27]

*hugs* ;)

[Muse]

You are a gifted writer given to this cafe. A breathe of fresh air you are. Free to pen whatever you please..and you do this so very effectively.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you so much Muse...those words mean a lot to me :)

[MOON]

Clever, every reading something to discoverer, deep unique write.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you my friend for reading and complimenting.

[Pax]

now i did go back to the first publish poem without the extended part(hehe) just to find if there is some little changes on the first and the second... though i thought its still the same the the words is still amazingly great... I see your walking in this write, your daily life. propably you have heard this but i say it again UfoAuthor said it best ;)
great work my friend.

[kublakhan27]

Haha it's hard to explain...this one does offer a pretty definitive look into my personal psyche, but even I can't explain how...it's like someone is pushing my pen on this one...thank you my friend as always for the support :)

[Pax]

i knew it, lol... your inner psyche is talking in the poem... well aren't we a part of the poems we are making, i mean each pieces of ourself are Scattered around in different writes we had shared... your most welcome my friend.