Kiss Me

 

Nina walks outside after school to the courtyard to meet with her boyfriend, Padz.

She asked him to meet her there, where they first met

because she finally convinced herself to stop running from her problems.

Padz greets her with a hug and kiss, like nothing has changed.

But everything has.

 

 

 

Padz<So, what did you need to talk about?

You sounded really weird earlier,

Are you okay, Ninabinabear?>

 

 

Nina<No! I'm NOT okay!

Why do you have to leave? I love you!

 ...Why can't that be enough for you?

YOU PROMISED TO BE HERE FOR ME!

...I thought you cared about me.>

 

 

Padz<Why don't you understand?

I can't love you now,

I refuse to feel anything!

I don't want to feel anything anymore...>

 

 

Nina<Well I would rather feel pain than feel nothing.

That's why I'm letting you

Hurt me like this.>

 

 

Padz<JUST GET IT THROUGH YOUR GODDAMN HEAD!

It's just so much easier for me

To run than to face my past!>

 

 

Nina <I won't say I know what it's like,

What you went through all your life.

But I can say I know what I feel,

What I need to feel to make my sanity last.>

 

 

Padz <How can you still "love" me

After all I've done to you?

You’re pathetic.

I played you,

Used you.

YOU’RE A DISGRACE!

There.

You should hate me now.>

 

 

Nina <No.

I won’t. I can't.

I tore my heart open for you,

I bled for you,

But you never realized.

I know you use your scars as an excuse

To run away

When things get too deep.

You say they mark your past,

BUT THE PAST IS JUST THAT!>

 

 

Padz <I'm sorry but I have to go back

To that past of mine.

My past is real!

It's a part of me...

It always will be.

You know what your problem is?

YOU’RE WEAK

And your weakness is that you always care too much.>

 

 

Nina <I know that the past is a part of you,

But it's your decision, your choice

To make it all of who you are now.

I know I care too much

BUT THIS IS JUST WHO I AM!

And you never would have befriended me

If you didn't know that.

If you didn't love that about me

Like you said you did.>

 

 

Padz<...I do love that about you, you're right.

And that's half the reason I'm leaving.

You make me feel too much, Nina

And I just can't bear the thought of hurting you

Like I know I would.>

 

 

Nina<Why can't you just let ME worry about what hurts me?

I DON'T CARE WHAT THE OTHERS SAY!

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE DRUGS!

ALL I CARE ABOUT IS BEING WITH YOU!

You make me feel beautiful

And special

And like maybe I'm not as worthless as they say.>

 

 

Padz<Because you ARE beautiful and special

And I NEVER want you to say that you’re not!

But if I ever hurt you, I wouldn't be able to bear it.

I'm sorry, but I'm going back tomorrow.

And I won't be coming back.

...Ich Leibe Dich.>

 

Padz stands up and walks away, not looking back

and Nina stays sitting against the wall as the sky breaks open

and rain mixes with her tears, her knees curled to her chest,

even though her legs had long ago gone numb

because if she moved,

she knows that her heart would come bursting out of her chest

to lie and bleed on the cold, gray concrete.

Reviews

[Catala]

I don't know what to say to this... save i have tears slowly falling down my cheeks... I've been there and it hurts... And it's very rea, feeling like if you move even one centimeter your heart will break through it's ivory cage and smash itself into the ground.... wow