Forsaken

Forsaken

A Poem by Tai Ryens


Lengthy were the nights subsequent

to the days of your absence,

for the planet I once was, depended

on the light of your presence.

 

Shall I await the day

we are once again lovers?

Or hast thou forgotten me

to lust for another?

 

Phantoms of your embracing arms linger as

haunting memories of departed bliss,

tell me, oh, tell me; when did

your sleeves alter into a noose?


© 2014 Tai Ryens



Author's Note

Tai Ryens
This didn't quite come out as expected . . . Nonetheless, I do hope you enjoy.

My Review

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Featured Review

Haunting.

I really like the metaphor you pull off in the first stanza. People often throw around the saying about someone being "your whole world", but I think the one you just wrote is better. It has something more...elegant to it. The narrator has become a planet barren and cold, dying without the light of its sun, everything within it inevitably perishing. Very grim and adequately describing a broken heart.

The last stanza though was beautiful in what it said. "Phantoms of embracing arms linger", is perfect. Like an amputated limb, so much apart of you that you still feel it, even though it isn't there anymore. The pain in this piece is...exquisite.

Well done my friend. A very, very emotional write.

-Caradoc

Posted 5 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Tai Ryens

4 Years Ago

Caradoc! You were missed, friend. I'm glad you find content in my work, it means a lot.
Caradoc

3 Years Ago

This piece...pretty much sums up my life right about now.
Tai Ryens

3 Years Ago

And likewise, dear friend.



Reviews

Unlike you, I'm not very good at reviewing poetry. With that being said, I simply enjoyed reading your beautiful poem. Nothing is worse than losing the one you love. Thank you for sharing

Posted 6 Months Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Tai Ryens

6 Months Ago

Nothing, indeed. Except maybe when two people meet in a space between lovers and friends that never .. read more
I find it difficult to review poetry - one either likes a poem or doesn't and I, at least, do not always know why I like a specific poem. So I will simply say that I like your poetry

Posted 2 Years Ago


Amazing words in this poem. I had to read again. I liked the words and thoughts in this poem.
"Shall I await the day
we are once again lovers?
Or hast thou forgotten me
to lust for another?"
Phantoms love leave us yearning and alone. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 2 Years Ago


Tai Ryens

2 Years Ago

Ah, thanks for stopping by, Coyoty Poetry. Your words are appreciated.
Coyote Poetry

2 Years Ago

You are welcome.
Attention grabbing!
I love your choice of words, every single one was beautifully placed after the other.
You have a fascinatingly gorgeous voice for poetry.
Thanks for sharing and keep up the great work! :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


Tai Ryens

2 Years Ago

Thank you fro stopping by, Jellycat.
This wording is terrific, sorry you had to go through this, but I'm happy
I was able to read your thoughts, thanks for sharing.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Tai Ryens

2 Years Ago

Thanks for stopping by!
Such sorrow and beauty ~ Great piece

Posted 2 Years Ago


Tai Ryens

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your thoughts.
Very much enjoyed this.
The sleeves becoming the noose. Brilliant.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Tai Ryens

2 Years Ago

Thank you.
Love and hate two sides of the same coin. How quickly we go from bliss to to anger and disappointment. Well done

Posted 2 Years Ago


Tai Ryens

2 Years Ago

Thanks for stopping by, Tate.
Wait....what? Plot twist she was dead the whole time.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Tai Ryens

3 Years Ago

Not literal phantoms. Thanks for stopping by.
katnisscat

3 Years Ago

hey, i read your 'about the author' thing. I really like it. It's very poetic.
Tai Ryens

3 Years Ago

Thank you. I rather like yours as well; simple and intriguing.
the image of shadows of arms winding into a noose against the light on a wall break into mind.. great word choice here, it's hard not be sound cliche sometimes with romantic writes, but this works. It really does! I would refrain from the rhetorical question at the end though, it might be softer without!

Posted 3 Years Ago


Tai Ryens

3 Years Ago

Ah, thank you, Willow, for your thoughts. Means a lot to have you drop by!

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3123 Views
77 Reviews
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Shelved in 8 Libraries
Added on July 11, 2012
Last Updated on June 28, 2014

Author

Tai Ryens
Tai Ryens

Bay Area, CA



About
I must start that I am not as active as I should be on this site, though I do tend to drop by every now and then and review what I can from friends and those whose works I enjoy. Currently, I am dippi.. more..

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