Late One Night

What would you do if you were home alone, lying in bed and you hear a door shut? Would you sit and wait to see who it is or would you go and find out?

As I lay in my bed, I listened to the sound of the fan. Besides the fact that it kept the room cool, it's steady whir helped put me to sleep. That night was no different than any other. At least, not in the beginning.

It didn't take long before my heavy eyes sank and I began to drift away into dreamland. The steady hum of the fan mixing into my quickly forming dreams. Sleep always came to me quickly back then.

I don't know what time it was but I was wrenched from my sleep in the still late night. Was it some sound that woke me? I didn't know. My heart beat fast and I could feel each thump as it tried to break free from my chest. A few beads of sweat crept across my brow though the room was frigid. Why was it so cold?

Late August was always a hot month and ran my rooms fan religiously, praying that it kept my room cool enough to sleep without any discomfort. My room was way too cold for August and my fan wasn't that good. My heart hadn't slowed down any and my hearing seemed to sharpen. I could hear every little sound in the house, as if microphones were hidden all around and transmitting back to my ears.

I heard a door shut. Then, nothing.

I gripped my pillow and sat up straight, straining my ears to pick up any sound. Had I actually heard that? I was alone so I couldn't have. A creak in the hallway downstairs cut through the silence.

As quick as I could, I reached over the side of my bed and pulled up a knife I kept in between my mattress and box spring. Ripping it from its sheath, I held it in front of me, eyes focused on the darkness beyond my open door. I cursed myself for not shutting and locking it.

A low thump sounded from the stairs and I pressed myself back against the wall. Should I just lay there, pretending to be asleep? No, I was far too scared to do that. The sound from the fan seemed to grow louder and soon it was all I could hear. The fan was almost deafening.

Another thump exploded through the fans endless tirade. I sat, frozen in place, eyes stuck on the darkness in front of me. Who was in my house? Why were they? Did they know I was there? My mind hurled unanswerable questions at me and all I could do was just sit and wait.

I could hear each step at that point. They were nearing the top of the stairs. It wouldn't be long and I'd be able to see them step into sight as they cleared the last few steps. Why did they have to put my room right next to the stairs? My mind was telling me to hide, to run, to get up and fight. Anything! All I could do is just sit and wait. It wouldn't be long and all my questions would be answered. Frozen, I sat like a silent statue and watched.

A figure, darker than the dark crested the top of the stairs and stood facing me. I couldn't hear the fan anymore, my heart beat too loud. I was sweating but shivering uncontrollably, my skin felt like ice.

The figure stood motionless, watching me. I squeezed the knife tighter. My mind shouted at me but I couldn't comprehend and before I knew it I had jumped up and ran toward the door. The figure burst toward me and I reached out and flicked the light switch. Light erupted into the room, stinging my eyes. I held the knife out in front of me as I leaned back, hoping to somehow protect myself from whoever or whatever it was.

I stood alone. The figure was gone. I waited there, knife held in front of me, confusion saturating every fibre of my body and mind. What the hell had just happened? After a while I searched the whole house but didn't find anyone. All the doors were still locked, as well as the windows. I left all the lights on just in case.

Finally I went back to bed, this time making sure to shut and lock my bedroom door. Sleep eventually overtook me, thanks to the noise from the fan.

I awoke to my bedroom door opening.

Author's Note

Written for the Horror Story Contest.

Reviews

[Cyndy Robinson]

This is superb! Absolutely everyone has been there and you bring it back so vividly. And the ending is the absolute clincher! Thanks for a great read!

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much, I appreciate it! I'm glad that you enjoyed it

[McBear]

Wow... The suspense was so beautifully imported into this. This is beyond impressing. Just WOW! Absolutely amazing. Well done.

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much, i really appreciate it! If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Stories are where I need the most improvement

[McBear]

Alright! I certainly will! Just send me some RR"S!

[Celie Rose]

I could feel the suspense with every word. The things that go bump at night! The imagination can exaggerate in the dark."I reached out and flicked the light switch."I stood alone. The figure was gone. Searching for someone who was never there.I truly understand how the sound of a fan can be soothing and the sounds that go bump in the night. I have been there many times. It is a really good story. I want to hear more, keep writing! Job well done

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you, I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I like writing thriller stories

[LapseOfMind]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I was writing it while in bed lol I have other writing that I've self published if you'd like to read it.

[Rockel Mansaray]

The end. Those last seven lines did justice to this whole entire story. The descriptive way this story was written made me feel like I was there. If I was reading this at night in my bedroom, I'd be able to completely play out the scene in my head. It was that realistic to me.

Thanks for entering my contest.
Keep writing, I wouldn't mind reading more of your stories in the future.

Sincerely, Rockel M.

[C.L. Ritter]

I love horror stories, and just got into writing them myself. I really enjoyed this. The imagery was fantastic. I could play the scene out vividly in my mind. I could feel the character's fear. Good beginning but I think A lot more could be done with this. Perhaps this occurs every night and its a new place. Maybe the figure is supernatural and disappears when the light turns on, or maybe the guy is simply crazy and thinks he hears or sees something that really is just all in his head, or maybe there really is an intruder that just happens to flee before he can really be seen or caught. I don't know, just a few things to suggest. Good start.

[LapseOfMind]

I'm glad you enjoyed this and I appreciate your suggestions. I agree, this story has a lot of potential but I wrote it as a flash fiction piece. I might one day expand on it but currently don't have any plans on returning to it. Thank you very much for reading it and for your suggestions

[C.L. Ritter]

You're welcome :)

[Suzy Hazelwood]

Scary moment indeed - very well written!! I think I would investigate myself despite being very nervous, but after the light was on and the dark figure disappeared I'd probably opt to leave the light on - and not sleep for month at least!! :o0 I'm not a believer of ghosts and creepy things, but I do love them in stories. Very entertaining this one! :o)

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

This is a good start for a longer work.

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you good sir

[Jayne Doe]

Really good writing. I'm home alone reading this and it got me so scared!

[LapseOfMind]

Awesome, I did my job then :) glad you enjoyed it

[Taylor]

You've done an excellent job of creating and sustaining suspense. Perhaps that's all that's necessary in a horror story. I'm sure it's the most important. As a reviewer, an amateur one of course, I try to give the kind of feedback I find helpful. My hope is that my comments will be that for you. However, each writer is the master of their own work and you'll have to determine if they fit for you. If not, toss them as far away as you would a pair of shoes that hurt your feet. So a few points:
1) There's another reviewer on this site who's always telling me that a story must start and end with a punch. So given that advice which I believe to be sound, I wonder if your first paragraph has enough "punch." In fact I wonder what would happen if you started the story with the third paragraph.
2) "late August" is not a "month."
3) You might consider deleting "without discomfort" because it's implied.
4). I wonder if it would be more chilling if instead of "I awoke to my bed room opening, you might describe the narrator as how the narrator awoke -- what was the feeling, the sensation?
5) You have shown the reader much of what the room looked like and some good appeal to the other senses. you also describe the whirring of the fan and how that noise drowned out everything else and how the narrator could hear nothing else. But just after that the thumb sounded on the stairs.
All in all, I like this story a lot. Thanks for sharing it.

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you for reading and reviewing, I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's the first story I've written in a year. The points you made are valid and if I get around to editing this story, I will definitely keep them in mind. I also appreciate the way in which you offered your constructive criticisms, tastefully done.