Lonely Child

Wondering why you are too busy just to stop amoment and let your adult guard down. Written about a neglected child who only wishes for more of his parents' attention and love....

It's all in the box

Everything remains in the box

Not put together...just a project left outside in the rain

That's where I am too

Outside, forever outside, waiting for more

More time, more attention ( I think that is the right word)

Attention

Maybe if I move Mommy's vase to the center of her table, she

will smile

Maybe, if I do not break it, like last time

Mommy says I shouldn't act so naughty and loud and Daddy said something about an illusion in my head needed fixin'

All I know is that I am standing out here in the rain, breathing, outside all alone except for this Build-A-Kite Project still in the box.

Author's Note

This makes me so sad....I wrote it for the newest Ten Word Contest

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Wow I really loved this... my ex sister in law was like that with here kids and she did nothing but stay home and collect welfare but all she wanted to do was watch tv and find boyfriends instead of getting love and attention from the kids... anyways what powerful emotion you display with your ingenious words.

[Tovli]

read like a little mystery, and like a little story told from the inside out--nicely done. tovli

[Celtic Cat]

it makes me sad, too. I ache for my neices who I haven't played with for a while. I ache because they don't go outside much.... not since their mom saw that creepy guy in the park. Why? Why don't parents realize kids are a chance to relive your childhood WITH them. Get on the floor with them... don't just yell at them to clean the mess.... help them MAKE the mess. Ouch this piece hurts. Excellent write.

[Emily B]

This is SO sad. Neglected, ignored, unloved children. I can see them trying so hard for our attention.

[Theresa Anne]

Heartbreaking. What children won't do for attention. Even just a smile. I met a single Father who is always working and has two boys. He has raised them since they were six months old. I have now kind of adopted them and they call me Mom. Their lives were CARTOONS. Now they are in the Scouts and loving it. It really only takes someone to care and give a little time. Nice job.

[Lyrical Love]

What a sentimental journey!!
Excellent. I enjoyed the read...

[angelina neves]

Oh! so tender and lovely and so so sad and true for so many children in our world...

[Chris Bighorse]

Maybe if I move Mommy's vase to the center of her table, she

will smile

This is my favorite part. How shy this child is, not to go rushing into the bedroom and jump up and down on the bed, but to instead move a vase to test the mothers awareness. Perhaps it is the saddest part of your poem as well. A child shouldn't have to ask for attention like that. I should be freely given and freely asked for.

I think that the first line can be removed. It seems repetitious with the next line. Other than that, this poem is really incredible. Thanks for the read.

Chris B.

[Tammy]

Great job, Laura.

[Rachel DeHart]

So when I first read this, I was alllllll confused. Then I saw the note, and it made sense.

I like this a lot.
"That's where I am too
Outside, forever outside, waiting for more
More time, more attention ( I think that is the right word)
Attention"
And the "( )" part makes me think of the little mermaid, which makes me feel 10 again, so it goes really well.

Good luck on the Contest!!