Finding my Strength

I entered into our bedroom after consuming two pain killers, hoping that it would relieve my pounding headache and put my mind into that yearning deep sleep. I had a long day at work and a gentle reminder of a double heartbreak I had a few months ago. Well I guess it wasn't much of a gentle reminder, but a reminder I got after curiously reading a good friend’s fine piece of poetry. Their colorful descriptions took my mind back to a previous dilemma; as their words highlighted the love and affection I once craved for.

The drowsiness started working slowly in my head, so I lay on the bed in a restful position next to my husband, whilst laying there he held my hands for our routine prayer. A prayer we took very seriously, hoping that it would help save the chemistry we almost lost a few months ago.

As he began uttering his words with faith, I felt my mind sinking into a deep sleep as the medication started taking its full effect. It was then and only then, I found myself in a strange place sitting very close to a humble looking gentleman.

In that place I saw nature at its best, under my feet were the greenest grass and the many sounds around me sang in perfect harmony. I sat next to him, gripping on to his dazzling white robe as though his garment was my saving armor. On his garment I dripped buckets of tears, yet there wasn't any dampness where my hands could feels. His warm soft hands comforted me, as he gently glided his hands up and down my right shoulder, healing the many wounds inside of me.

He did not utter a word; he just sat there in my presence as though it was his duty to look over me. Suddenly he pointed his hands in a direction my eyes couldn't refuse to see. The direction took our spirits in a room, where we saw a little girl weeping her heart out, she held on to a pink teddy bear, as though it was her one and only comfort. She lied there singing a lullaby I wrote “Little diamond, little diamond, go and sleep tonight. Little diamond, little diamond mummy’s by your side.” My heart trembled as I heard the words meekly coming out from my baby's little voice.

As I was about to step towards her hoping to give her the comfort her lonely heart needed, I felt a force pulling my body towards another direction. We were no longer in that room; there was a change in the surrounding. Instead we stood next to a back step where we saw a teenage girl writing in a dairy. She repeatedly tried to wipe the tears that stubbornly rolled down her aching eyes. In her dairy she wrote her many dreams, one of the dreams that captured my attention, was a dream I almost forgot ‘I want to be better than the mother I barely have around me and the father who choose not to be.’

On her clothes there was white dust of flour as though she had just finished preparing a meal. Behind her sat another little girl a few years younger, playing with her toys childishly. I felt a burning on my chest as the memories took over my mind, the gentleman saw that I was about to lose my breath, and without question he wrapped his warm arms around me. Saying to me in a deep powerful voice “Young Lady! Dry those tears,can't you see you have the power to fulfill your dreams,the power to find your healing. Within you there is love and where there is love there is me. Your destiny awaits you, now go in peace. I now set your spirit free…”