UNTITLED

the land is dying

no breath to grasp

the leaves are still

no wind to make them dance

 

the moon is pale

no light to glare

the sun is hiding

refusing to rise

 

this is my world

bare and dull

all in grey

but not doomed

Reviews

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Very emotional but still there's a light of hope in the last line. Even in the darkness, a flicker of hope can shine bright enough to lead you to the right way...
Why not entitle it "Grey"? Just a suggestion. :)
Nice piece, Lei.

[Donald Cole]

i've never felt this from your words, feels like depression and definately not of your normal character. I hope things are well with you.
What i like most, is that you ended with a line of hope, as i try to do with all my writings, for hope is necessary......
I know for me, my words can reflect my mood......I still see ur beauty even through......
Don

[The Doctor]

Not doomed is right. Every grey, dry land has its growing weed, fed by sunlight even in the darkest hold. You'll find it, just keep looking.
-The Doctor

[Pax]

i knew this town so well..
great work.

[Allen Smuckler]

wonderful write lei,
excellent imagery...
I liked the ending of hope...always hope...
that tomorrow will be a better today...no matter how good it was.
I too, look back at my youth, and view it in gray....interestingly, I think, because that's what our T.V.s were.....black and white....strange, eh?
Well done lei
allen

[reflectingus]

This is bee-yoo-tee-full. I loved the way you expressed a desolate state, though with some optimism to conclude with. Great job, flowed really well.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A short but highly direct piece that elnds to the masters, well done, good read.

[Coyote Poetry]

A honest and direct poem. World can be scary looking. I like the flow of thoughts and some hope at the end. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[bill]

Wow, lei, that world is not a pleasant place. I hope it isn't your world. You drag your readers into a barren environment. I almost became depressed just reading it. Very good writing.

[Tate Morgan]

Sounds like my neighborhood touched by drought ours has lost its color the green is all brown now