Lego sets in refuge

Lego sets in refuge

iPhone torchlight
Held in my hand, the Christmas lights
Kelly took from the refuge tree for me.
So my son could have a nightlight.

Lego set they gave him
A consolation prize for ending up
In what I tell him
Is 'holiday home'.

But I grit my teeth as we tried to build it
Stomach aching with hunger
Mouth dry.
The baby cried
My son, petulant, so curious
Rips the packets and spills the pieces
Wants to help.
Can't, too young.
I packed it away in disgust.
Marvelling at the simultaneous kindness
And thoughtlessness
Who gives a child
A Lego set
When the mother can't think straight.

Then after cross words at bedtime
When I tell him
Just GO to sleep or there'll be no grandma tomorrow
Guilty, guilty.
The baby nurses and intermittently wails.
Then silence
They both sleep.

I know
He saw my son
As a love rival.

I sit now
In the darkness
And try to build his Lego set
A surprise for the boy
Who tosses and turns in the top bunk.
Orange kitty clutched to his chest.
Whose mother has failed him
Again and again.

But some pieces are missing.
I cannot accept
This, another disappointment.

'"I will not fail."
Said the tiny snail.'