My Fifth Love

My Fifth Love

A Poem by Libby McKeown

You

tossed

me

into

the

abyss

--I

screamed

myself

hoarse--

then

fed                           trimmed                        walked

the                           my                               wailed

dog                           nails                             waited

while

sailing

to

the

bottom.

 

My Fifth Love, the next day

 

I've

been

falling

up

ever

since

 

© 2010 Libby McKeown


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What I'm enjoying about this one is the bleak side, there's a nonchalance about it all that forgives the lead in, which as a lead in is precisely the sort of opening you'd expect from a run of the mill poem: that's why it works, because the departure for that points back to the dispellment. (i hope dispellment is a word)

I also noticed the easy rhythm you have and knack for placing rhyme in there too so that it's unobtrusive. It's fun reading your stuff.

My Fifth Love, the next day



I've

been

falling

up

ever

since

I understand what you are going for here, but the way it's presented creates an awkward clash of tenses, I assume you will know what I mean, because I bet you spend a lot of time smoothing these writes out and as such you will probably know stuff, and stuff about what I mean. Also, I don't think the reversal of gravity is much of a surprise, and when paired with that tense issue it really isn't worth it imo... the poem already gets the work done, as does the title.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

What I'm enjoying about this one is the bleak side, there's a nonchalance about it all that forgives the lead in, which as a lead in is precisely the sort of opening you'd expect from a run of the mill poem: that's why it works, because the departure for that points back to the dispellment. (i hope dispellment is a word)

I also noticed the easy rhythm you have and knack for placing rhyme in there too so that it's unobtrusive. It's fun reading your stuff.

My Fifth Love, the next day



I've

been

falling

up

ever

since

I understand what you are going for here, but the way it's presented creates an awkward clash of tenses, I assume you will know what I mean, because I bet you spend a lot of time smoothing these writes out and as such you will probably know stuff, and stuff about what I mean. Also, I don't think the reversal of gravity is much of a surprise, and when paired with that tense issue it really isn't worth it imo... the poem already gets the work done, as does the title.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Yes it has been tough. The experience was traumatic, but you know what, I can walk and still walk. Libbby this is an excellent testimony of the witness of the human to perseverance and continuity in the face of "deafening" challenges.
Thanks for this witness. The creativity in expressing this piece is interesting!

Best regards,
Vincent

Posted 13 Years Ago



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647 Views
2 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on April 19, 2010
Last Updated on April 19, 2010

Author

Libby McKeown
Libby McKeown

mobile, AL



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How could I ever explain?? A side note: I will read every read request. I can't promise I will review every one. However, don't be an a*s and send me (or anyone) 400 requests! I will unfriend y.. more..

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