malicious and meritless

malicious and meritless

i come from this place

you forgot as a kid

that no longer exists

like a child of rape

or a monster of faith

like a hero of death

or a demon of life

i am here now to haunt you

to inspire inside you 

deep down in your dark 

for reasons you can no longer explain

where you find all the things

that make you insane

what you grip

from the dark

so you can call me an a*****e 

a f****n' c**t or a prick

or a mother f****n' son of a b***h

so you can maybe call me somethin'...

        that deserves to be dead

and you will say it...

with everything that you have

with every vein in your body

from the deepest part of your arteries

from the darkest dark of your darkness

and all the things that scare you to death,

(at night)

     but you have none the less. . .

(is where you'll find me)  inside you

Author's Note

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

There is a dark side to all of us. A side which would like to lash out and hurt, spit venom and do so without regret. Fortunately for me, I am the one in control of the switch. I choose not to turn it on. I may think things on occasion but I do not say them. I am thankful for that. Greetings David.

[Davidgeo]

Some people are capable of that, they find their release in perpetually non confrontational ways. I admire them, as I admire you because you are one of them. (I don't openly admire people often)

[Davidgeo]

And of course... greetings to you as well Chris.

[DIVYA]

It’s like, “You’re the dark side of me.” I read somewhere that what I find the most detestable and despicable in others is merely a reflection of my own s****y self. (Carl Jung also said something to that effect) Knowing that, I still project a lot and get supremely angry (aware I’m actually pissed off with myself) So if you irk some people and they hate you with a passion it’s actually them hating on themselves not you. You’re doing them good by helping them be acquainted with their own sordid selves (if they care to be insightful that is) At least, that’s how I related to your words here. Well written, David 💕

[Davidgeo]

Carl Jung is someone we all need to read more of. Freud get's the pop. culture credit but Jung was definitely more insightful. I'm really happy that you are familiar with him.

[DIVYA]

I need to read more of him. This came up for a discussion in the recent leadership training. I need to find time.

[Davidgeo]

Jung wrote a lot... I mean, a whole lot. Early on he was more clinical and academic but if you have the patience I do recommend tackling everything. But if you want to get a good handle on him without taking several years of your life away there are two books - "Modern Man in Search of a Soul" and his last work, which really was only kinda sorta directly written by him, "Man and His Symbols". Those are pretty good representations of his 'philosophy' in regard to "the self and the shadow" and to a lessor degree psycho analytics in general.

[Lost]

What a great piece! I personally struggle writing poems with rhyme schemes that flow and sound smooth, but you make it seem so effortless. I love all of the alliterations.

[Lydia Waldock]

Holy f**k man, this is really dark but its written so lovely. The hate and rage within are extremely relatable, although it can be hurtful for yourselves and for other people, it is what makes us human to have pain be felt so brightly and heavily. I hope you're doing well and I hope you keep up with this style of writing keep it up!

[Davidgeo]

Thanks doll face. I'm glad you liked it. It seems a lot more negative than it really is... I think. And I think I will keep writing like this for a while... but not forever. There is only so much you can do with this perspective before it gets cheesy and stupid.

[Lydia Waldock]

Lol thanks for the compliment. I understand its only for so long we can relish in the bad and sad times. I really enjoy any style you pick up so just keep writing in general.

[Davidgeo]

Don't fret, I couldn't stop if I tried. Writing poetry is like crack to me.

[Lydia Waldock]

That’s the same with me

[Davidgeo]

Good then. There are worse ways to abuse yourself than this.

[Lydia Waldock]

There definitely is!

[John the Baptist]

The voice that is speaking these words is, I believe, what is known as the shadow. It is the part of us that we don't want to acknowledge, the part that has antisocial thoughts, feelings and urges. It is definitely not something we would include on a resume. We may disown it, curse it or deny it, but it is there nonetheless, and as the poet indicates, often comes to us in the darkest part of the night. The negative feelings that are associated with this entity are forcefully brought to life in this somber work.

[H L Rose]

The instrumental fits weirdly well If it’s played alongside reading the poem.

Love the concept. We’re all the same. We all got that thing inside us. I hate it and it is why I can’t hate anyone. The part I hate is in me too.

I will say there are parts that I couldn’t make complete sense of, mostly at the beginning and end. However, I think I like where the end of the poem is going to the point where it would be my favorite part. I am just not able to make complete sense of the wording. I also like the “you forgot as a kid”. It is once again one of my favorite parts of the poem but I can’t get super into it because I don’t quite get all the lines around it.

Despite that, I enjoyed reading!

[Davidgeo]

That's a fair analysis I think.

I don't think I intended for this to make sense immediately, or be understood all at once. The totality of our individual person is like that in reality. . . even among the most emotionaly mature, we are all of us conundrums of sorts. Some are more pleasent than others, some are more internally honest than others, some of us see more for whatever reason, and some of us just get lucky without realizing it. But not one of us is complete.

[H L Rose]

That makes sense. People don’t make sense. That’s one reason I like paradoxes so much.
And yea no one is complete (in this life) and that’s a big reason we people don’t make sense.

[Davidgeo]

Only nothing can be complete.

[H L Rose]

Eeehhh
until we are made complete again and the only way for that is a way that anyone can take, but I think we both know we disagree on that.

[Davidgeo]

I know you're quite religious. But hear me out... I'm a big fan of physics, and the conclusions that come from that particular field do not necessarily deny a god or pretend to 'know' the ultimate answers to anything. It's actually quite the contrary when you really get into it. I think you would be a fan of Heisenberg and his uncertainty principle; it's a fact that there are things we simply cannot know or observe simply by being able to observe things. And when you really look into Einstein (etc.)'s view of mass in relation to energy in relation to the cosmic speed limit and gravity you will some pretty divine conclusions. Some people call this view I'm proposing to you "the god of the gaps", and sometimes they say it in a derisive way. But I don't see it that way. I don't believe the bible is divine, but when I look up at the sky sometimes and contemplate the nature of existence as I know it... I see God; and it is truly a transcendent experience. We're not so different, at the end of the day, we just use different books to get there.

[H L Rose]

I get it. I guess you’re more spiritual than I thought. I totally agree that there are things we can not know and may never know.

I agree that we are the same in many ways, the biggest being imperfect sinners who need Jesus to be perfect for us. (Complete us)

I can’t agree we get to the same place in different ways though. It’s not “you may get to God by going this way. I may get to God by going this other way” because I could never reach God on my own. He had to come to me. And he did that through Jesus. So if no Jesus there is no way I could get to God. I don’t think it’s different for other people. I think we are all broken and require God to come to us.

[Davidgeo]

If you expect enlightenment to come to you... you are already fucked.

You have to go out and grab that s**t. One way or another... you're probably not gonna win the 'enlightenment and faith' lottery though. That's just not how life works.

There's a fellow named Thomas Merton I think you might like to read. Don't fret, he's about as religious as it gets. "the seven story mountain" is where you should start, but end up with his interpretation of Taoist poetry in a book called "the way of chuang tzu".

[Davidgeo]

(Thomas Merton was a genius Christian monk who lived in Kentucky... just in case you wanted to know)

[H L Rose]

I know of Thomas Merton. He a bit of a universalist. But I just can’t subscribe to that thinking.

We don’t understand how someone can be given such things and not have to work for it.
We think that if it’s given to us then it would bread complacency.
But this is one of those paradoxes.

Jesus saved me and then I fell in love and want to know all I can about him and live in Gods will because he changes me. And it’s so cool cause that means I am free to do his will because I want to, not because I have to in order to be enough and worth something.

All that to say I can’t subscribe to Thomas Merton and universalism because everyone else tells me I have to be enough and I know I can’t. That’s not complacency that’s a sure hope in Jesus.

[Davidgeo]

Hmm.

Have you actually read him or are you just going off his reputation?

read moreHmm.

Have you actually read him or are you just going off his reputation?

It sounds more like the latter than the former. And it is starting to seem like you know less about your own religion than myself.

If you don't do the reading, no personal offense, you're inherently full of s**t, just working off talking points. And if you "believe" without actually knowing the finer points of your own religion... I cannot respect you.

Read him, just read more in general. Actually do it, don't Wikipedia or cliff notes it --- do the work. And if you're still dying for an apologist read some Alvin Plantinga after ("where the conflict really lies" would be a good start).

(and if you take the term "apologist" in this context as an insult, you're an idiot)
… the other stuff though - yeah, you clearly haven't done your homework and I do mean that as an insult.

[Davidgeo]

…. there was a lot more to that response.
Good thing I have a good memory....

"It sounds more like the latter than the former.
If you don't do the reading, no personal offense, you're full of s**t.

Read him. Actually do it. And if your still dying for an apologist read Alvin Plantinga after.

(if you take the term "apologist" in this context as an insult, you're an idiot)"

[H L Rose]

Reputation that he is a universalist? I don’t think that is just a reputation.

Don’t get me wrong I of course plan to do more reading on Thomas Merton and other people I disagree with in my education, but I don’t have to read Thomas Merton to know I’m not a universalist.

That being said, you’re right, I need to do my reading before I can debate over him.

[Davidgeo]

I'm saying form your own opinions based off more in depth standards instead of basing them off labels and reputation. If you only look closely at certain things based only on what you hear or what you think you know, as you get older you'll end up narrow minded/close minded and you won't even know it (you already are showing signs of that). Yes, he's a universalist catholic, but that's not all he was and his writing reflects that. I'm suggesting you do a deeper dive. Have a nice day.

[Ookpik]

That's called sociopathy.

And it's treatable.

[Davidgeo]

I like to call it... "what we're all capable of", given a circumstance or two.

And how you treat it depends upon how you find it. Everyone is capable of being a sociopath. Pretending otherwise is folly unless your life is fluffy.

[Ookpik]

I disagree on both points, though I'm not calling you pathological.

How you treat people is your decision, regardless of circumstance. I'm not saying you have to give everyone a cushion but insidiousness is rarely justifiable.

[Davidgeo]

My friend, you've misunderstood things here. I've seen darkness in you, does that make you insidious? I don't think so... but your logic would.

[Davidgeo]

(what is forgivable?)

[Ookpik]

Sure, I don't deny that it's there, but again, I choose how to deal with it.

As to your second question, (which I feel is more important) it depends on who is doing the forgiving. As before it is an individual choice - who or what to forgive is entirely dependent on that person, in any scenario. It is only my place to forgive, or not, the things done to me alone. It is up to others to choose for themselves.

[Ookpik]

In this world there are consequences, we alone choose how to face them.

[Davidgeo]

There are absolutes. We trudge through existence on our own with what we have in front of what faces us. You get to choose what matters, you get to choose what is important. There is no answer to these questions that is universal.

[Davidgeo]

("there are no absolutes" is what I meant to start that off with... damn it. I gotta stop drinking on weekdays)

[Ookpik]

I agree completely, despite the critique on your methods.

[Ookpik]

There are absolutes - though they aren't necessarily relevant to this topic.

[Davidgeo]

Of course, breathing and eating, etc... but I think you know what I mean.

[Ookpik]

Again, I agree - if the choice is individual than it cannot be universal.