Vaccine

AIDS vaccine turns people to zombies? Heh, clever, gotta give you that.Pretty good, there are some slight typos, but nothing that a quick read-through and edit can't fix.Also, I think you could perhaps write the events in different ways. It feels like when we got to what happened at the facility like it was just "he did this, then she did that. Then she ran away like a fraidy-cat-like-thing." Nothing terribly wrong, I'm just saying you can switch up your word choice, maybe add some more description, make the environment and the characters really stand out.Still, pretty good work. Can't wait for the next installment.

Posted 16 Years Ago

Well plotted, and I like the abrupt ending, but I think it needs more gore. Nicely done.

Posted 16 Years Ago

Good story, so far. Creepy and relatively plausible. I'm not sure why no-one tried to alert some sort of outside authority immediately. And how come Dr. Yamada has not become a zombie yet? Still, the story has a good flow and keeps the reader's attention. The mutated vaccine is a good premise!

Put this through a spell check, there are still some typos...

Posted 16 Years Ago

I read a story with the same premise once. It wasn't as well writen, but it was ok.

http://zombiesinlondon.blogspot.com/

You have to start at the bottom of the page though.

Posted 16 Years Ago

damn wild goose chase thru the links!! but worth it I can tell instantly...I haven't the time now, but I will be back to read all these links. I like the premise, and the diction is deliciously appropriate!

Posted 16 Years Ago

Me again. :) Anyway, I've re-read your newly-polished piece and it flows a lot easier now. :) Awesome job :) I can't wait for Chap. 2 :)

B.

Posted 16 Years Ago

Very nice beginning...Exciting and throughly dramatic. Nice twist on zombies...Reminds me somewhat of Resident Evil. :) Very well put together read!

B.

Posted 16 Years Ago

This kinda sounds like Resident Evil, but I would hash this out with much more background on the developement of the vaccine, why it possibly mutated? What medically is this doing to the people. You are emphasizing a lot of medicine in these pieces yet I don't see any concrete foundation just some baseline references. I think it would help your reader if you gave more background into the development and functioning of the vaccine, why it is causing people to turn to Zombies? This is unless you are hoping to do this in late chapters. You have some typos, but that just needs a quick read through and you should be fine. You are starting sentences with "But" in this one and that is basically the same as starting with and. You have a good start with these first two chapters, but I would go back and give more backdrop to the characters, settings (the setting is just thrown at you really with no way to see where these people are or giving a concrete image of the place we are at in the story.) I'd try to ditch the likeness to Resident Evil.. Put some work into this bit and you should have a great piece going. I would just lengthen and give more background - that is really my only gripe.. Hope this helps..

Posted 16 Years Ago

Good start to the story, and a good reflection on the tapering with of nature. Good writing!

Posted 16 Years Ago

A strong opening. I like the homages to the first "Resident Evil" film, along with the basic idea that the cures to our diseases bring about diseases of their own. I'd love to see this fleshed out more.

Posted 16 Years Ago

AIDS vaccine turns people to zombies? Heh, clever, gotta give you that.Pretty good, there are some slight typos, but nothing that a quick read-through and edit can't fix.Also, I think you could perhaps write the events in different ways. It feels like when we got to what happened at the facility like it was just "he did this, then she did that. Then she ran away like a fraidy-cat-like-thing." Nothing terribly wrong, I'm just saying you can switch up your word choice, maybe add some more description, make the environment and the characters really stand out.Still, pretty good work. Can't wait for the next installment.

Posted 16 Years Ago