What if i told you....

A poem

What if I told you my skin was scarred, fault lines etched into my wrists and my arms.

 What if I told you that I was dark, black is my soul and dead is my heart.

  What if I told you I really had tried, but all of my light had dimmed and died.

   What if I said I loved you to death, but then I said no, would you listen?

     What if when I stood on the edge there was no one to stop my fall.

       I am sorry my dear for all I have said, but this is the end, of it all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1st

Jun 11, 2015

 

• Poetry slamT
• What if i told you....

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Dark but............

Reviews

[Dion [MFMDM]]

You should've made this for mature audiences. It's melancholic however I feel these words . Even MORE personal, at a point in time & even still now I feel .. "similar " feelings that add up to a pessimistic mind set, no matter how much optimistim I encourage In myself. I really hope things get better for you over time . we all need change .

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Mature!? I can't say I can see anything mature about it, can you highlight the things that make it mature? But anyway, thank you for the review!

[Dion [MFMDM]]

Hmmm .. ok say for example an average 15 year old reads this. I don't believe they would get the full concept & comprehension. However a more mature, experienced reader that may be familiar with words that are meant to be esoteric. that's jut how I read lol . I always feel like there's a deeper meaning than what's on the surface.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

So you don't think it is bad for people younger but just, kind of, wasted?

[Dion [MFMDM]]

Mmmm just more of like hieroglyphics. They look and say they understand but sometimes I'm sure they don't.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Well thanks for the unique :P review Dion, I appreciate your take on my writing :)

[Dion [MFMDM]]

Lol mmmhmm

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Yes it was dark and deep but all meaning. Wonderful

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Thank you!!!!

[Dr. Wood ?]

you need an extra R in Scarred and an extra M in dimmed...but all in all....so true of some relationships

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Oh whoops! Thank you for the review and help Dr Wood!

[closed]

im thinking that this is meant to be like a diary entry

it's really good

the dark tone works for it i think
and the format is cool too



-Dream

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Thank you very much Dream!

[GoGo Tamago]

Dark...as dark and depressing, it sounds like you really miss this person. And you really want this special person back or to forgive you for whatever you did. I am sure if you try your best or wait, they may come to realize it.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Thank you for the meaningful review Unknown.

[GoGo Tamago]

Your welcome! My friends say I give good advice, even when I write poems. I haven't been writing poems. It's been a while.

[KanaDream]

This is very well done and I can feel the pain of the narrator. Trying, losing, failing... all hope is lost. Don't you give up hope though, this is a beautifully dark poem. Keep dreaming ^^

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Wow thank you so very much!!!!!!

[An owl on the moon]

Woven into your words is such a beautiful aching.. a desire to be loved for who you are... shadows and light... Oh, how many love us like that? It is a rare thing.. and to find it.. well.. that is the most beautiful love at all. It can keep us from falling off the edge...

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Wow thank you for the meaningful review!

[KaoticOrder]

Beautiful and powerful. Very heartfelt. I love it

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Wow than you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[micky]

This is a amazing and beautiful poem...i love it

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Oooh thank you!!!

[Kousika]

nice poem.. Very concise and deep..
Go ahead and all the best..

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Thank you very much for the review Kousika!!

[Kousika]

:)) keep going.. i love all your writing..