My Coming Out Story, 8 Years Later

Just what the title says it is!

Every time I go home

My grandmother asks me

If I have a girlfriend

It never fails

She wants a wedding

Like I want a boyfriend

But I’d never tell her

That I love a guy

Who has broken my heart

So many times

His name is still bleeding inside me

Because quite honestly

I’m afraid the news that I’m gay

Would kill her

My grandmother only knows

The parts of me I’m willing to share

And I love her too much

To sit there and watch her die

Just so I don’t have to live a lie

 

I told my mother I was gay

Over the phone

Because I couldn’t

Watch rain fall from her eyes

Her lightening words splitting

My body in half

I told the first brother

Over an instant message

Because he was stationed

In Iraq and I didn’t know

If he would be coming home alive

I told the fourth brother

When we were driving to the grocery store

I told him I’m gay

He said I know you’re happy

When I said it again

He looked at me like I was dirt

I grabbed his arm

And yelled that I am still the same person

 

But I was never able to tell the third brother

Like all small towns news spreads faster

Than the wind can blow

The tornado rumors of who I love

Ripped his trailer park popularity

And threw it three counties over

He has never told me

What people said or did to him

But the amazing thing

Is that he doesn’t resent me

 

And now eight years later

I can honestly say

Coming out was the best thing

To happen to my family

Since the four of us took our first breath

Because we were all born again that day

Our cords were cut

The curtain rose on act 2 of the Graff family play

 

I never thought coming out

Would create a relationship with my father

For a man who barely spoke to me

In high school

The words I’m proud of you

Fell from his tobacco covered lips

Like they did not mean everything to me

 

And I never thought

I would be able to sit in dive bars

With the first and third brother

Ordering another round of beers

And my dad buying us all shots of tequila

Forcing me to walk the two blocks home

At three in the morning

 

I never thought

I could tell my mom about

Being sixteen; laying in my bed

Praying to a God, I’m not sure exist

To just make me normal

I was begging and pleading

This gay thing would just be a phase

 

And I never thought

The fourth brother

Would greet me with open arms

When I came home from Christmas

Then proceed to wrestle me to the ground

Knowing he’s bigger and stronger

Than I will ever become

 

But the fact that if somebody scratched

The word f*g across my back

Or threatened to drag me behind

A pickup; feet tied to the bumper

Until my lungs fill with gravel

All three would drive nine hours

Just to kick their a*s

And that is the best gift

I could ever get