Unseen

Unseen

A Story by Lucien Maier
"

A collaboration of Lucien Maier & Christopher Agnew Edited By, Temperance Penrod

"

Unseen

A collaboration from
Lucien Maier & Christopher Agnew

Edited by Temperance Penrod




He could only think about how much he loved her. It fogged everything. It overshadowed every thought, every accomplishment. They had been friends in Elementary School. However, in sixth grade he had bolstered his courage and tried to kiss her.

They had been sitting on the monkey bars.
When he leaned in he knew he had made a mistake. Her face was horrified. He couldn’t even remember anything else that had happened. It made him burn red every time he even thought about it.

He felt like he had wept for that moment all the way through Middle School. Emily, the girl, had been very sad in those two years. Billy wanted to believe it was not to do with him, but deep inside he knew it had been him that hurt her.

He had stepped too far and now she would never forgive him. After Middle School Emily started to come out of her slump. Although Billy had stopped talking to her, he still watched.

In High School it had gotten much worse. Billy had graduated from a crush to full blown obsession. He learned her routines and always was some distance behind.

He set up his whole life so he could continue his infatuation with Emily.  

Everyday Billy started his day in the same fashion, he’d follow Emily, careful to keep his distance so he didn’t seem like a stalker to his love. At school, he’d quietly slip into class, a spot in the back of Math and he’d fake paying attention to the teacher, but, he’d always have Emily in his peripheral. In the next class, Art, he’d go to his group, where he always enjoyed spying on her, and his group-mates always did all of the work.

Billy didn’t mind, his obsession was the only thing that mattered, not his grades, not his home, not his family. Only Emily.

When lunch came around Billy would always go to the darkest corner of the cafeteria, he could watch her in silence  with no distractions. By the end of the day, he’d always head out, of course, following her. Like always, she’d slowly walk on the sidewalk away from school.

While he was paying attention to her, he suddenly became aware of something different, someone different, a boy, he didn’t know who he was, but he was walking up to Emily. His appearance suddenly made Billy anxious, in his worry, he watched as the boy he didn’t know walk up to his dearest love and suddenly started talking to her. Billy had an urge to get closer, but he didn’t want her to discover his spying on her so he kept his distance. His will nearly broke when he saw a change in her, a small smile that appeared on her face. A smile he had never seen before. Shortly after the smile, the boy waved goodbye to her and started walking away at the same time, with the small smile and a little blush to her face, she continued her walk home.

As she continued, so did Billy, but at the same time, he was replaying the scene that had just unfolded in front of him and he kept replaying it over and over in his mind. He was not allowed to talk with HER!

Billy was enraged, that night he stayed outside of Emily’s house. His obsession not allowing him to leave her alone. But there was no control to be had. The next morning while he tailed her to school his worst nightmare came true.

The young man ran up to her smiling and asked if he could walk with her to school. She smiled. She smiled in a way Billy did not like at all. Somewhere along the route to school, the young man reached over and grabbed Emily’s hand.

Young love blossomed as Billy walked behind the two in the worst pain of his life. Tears flowed freely down his face as he walked through the halls of the school, no one worried about him though. No one stopped to make sure he was alright. He was Unseen.

The two young people fell in love over the next three days. Billy becoming more and more distraught. He knew that as long as this new guy was in the picture, Emily would never love him.

That is when the plan began to hatch.

Getting to the boy’s house was easy by now, he’d been there a few times so he knew where he lived. He even knew his name, Nate. He just wasn’t sure which room was Nate’s. Making it through the front door was just as easy, he did it quietly, but most importantly, he did it without being seen. He walked throughout the house, looking for the bedroom of his rival. No, he wasn’t his rival. He was an invader, a thief of his heart, his only reason for living. After clearing the first floor two times and not finding his target, he made his way upstairs and the first door he looked through was the one he needed, Nate was sleeping.

The moment his eye’s spotted his prey, he saw red. He walked up to the bed, pulled back his arm with a knife and brought it down, he brought it back up and back down. Billy did this several times, then he did it several more times. He did it again until he was nearly out of breath and until he felt he was sure the invader had been dealt with.

When the deed was done, he turned to the door and quickly, but quietly, made his way out of the room, down the stairs and out the front door never looking back. He ran all the way to Emily’s house, he had to see her.

Billy was waiting for Emily. A small part of him feeling guilty for what he had done to the young man. He knew Emily would be upset, but in the end they were meant to be together. He had gotten in the way of fate.

Emily skipped out of her house full of smiles. She almost ran to the young man's house. She went to the door a lady answered and she asked for her new friend.

Billy waited out of sight, knowing that soon the world would know. But no screams came, no one freaked out. In fact a few moments later the young man came out and and grabbed Emily’s hand.

Billy was in shock. “Thanks for coming with me.” she said to the young man and leaned against him as they walked down the road. Billy shadowed in the back confused. They walked for quite a while.

Then they entered a grave yard. They walked past headstone after headstone, and then they stopped in front of one. Billy moved in close enough that he could hear what she was saying.

“He was someone very special to me. Anyway, that day he leaned over and he slipped. I reached out to grab him, but he fell head first into the concrete. I will never forget the sound. I knew instantly he was gone.” Emily said crying. Nate had an arm over her shoulder comforting her.
Billy shook his head, but he could no longer shake the memories. He had leaned too far on the monkey bars. He had fallen. He had died.

Emily looked up at Nate. “I don’t know that I would say I was in love with him, but we were young and I really cared for him. That I can tell you for sure.”

Nate held her close and said. “It’s ok for you to be happy again. You deserve to be happy too.”

Emily broke, Nate had seen through her. She slumped into him and she had let go.

Billy felt every emotion at once.

Then with not so much as a poof, Billy was gone.


-end







© 2016 Lucien Maier



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Featured Review

I'm seeing you grow as a writer the more I read your work! I think this one is one of my favorites, because it went into a direction I was not expecting. You may have a talent for mystery, you should definitely look into writing mystery/detective type novels because I loved how the story made such un unexpected twist. Once I started I was glued to the computer screen!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I enjoyed reading your story. That was a good twist at the end.

Posted 6 Months Ago


This is simply amazing. His spirit never left her. Good that he did not have to face her with guilt. And he ended up peacefully. It is very touching.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Yes. This got creepy rather quick, to think someone would set up there whole lives to obess with someone is very very creepy indeed. Great visuals of the stabbing in the room.

OMG...........what an ending!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great work.

Mark.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I'm seeing you grow as a writer the more I read your work! I think this one is one of my favorites, because it went into a direction I was not expecting. You may have a talent for mystery, you should definitely look into writing mystery/detective type novels because I loved how the story made such un unexpected twist. Once I started I was glued to the computer screen!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You hooked me in rather quickly but I just keep thinking, did he just imagine that he stabbed his rival?

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love this story. It starts getting creepy early with the obsession building just right. Then that chilling twist at the end. Great writing! I think we are all fascinated with stories about what might happen after death.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lucien Maier

1 Year Ago

thanks very much for reading :)
Oh my goodness this is so great! I loved every part of it, from Billy's stalking to the beautiful twist at the end. Really nice work!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lucien Maier

1 Year Ago

thanks for reading!
Stalker stories have always attracted. At first, I thought he was stalker and something terrible is going to happen but when I got to the end... I'm like 'whoa'. I loved it. Really professional piece of work, might I say. Good luck for future!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lucien Maier

1 Year Ago

thanks very much for the review.
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Kim
Good story, it got unsettling quite fast when he started to obsess over Emily. I was just waiting for disaster to happen (that he would end up killing someone) but I actually liked the twist at the end and once realisation of what was actually going on kicked in, everything just made more sense, like how he could focus on his obsession without there being consequences. Nice work!!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lucien Maier

1 Year Ago

Thank you. glad you enjoyed it...
An actual thought that went through my mind after a quarter of the story, "I swear to God, if he's dead at the end......." You could imagine my face when I got to the end.
The romantic obsession of a boy over a girl was a good hook, at least for me. I've been in that situation a few times, but not exactly to the extent of outright stalking the girl. As I kept reading, I was curious as to when the Horror was going to kick in. When Billy stabbed Nate to death, I was curious as to what would happen next. I was hoping he wouldn't end up killing Emily as well, but I figured that was probably going to happen. Now, I'm sitting here writing this review, hoping not to seem too critical due to the overuse of this cliche. For the love of God, be original.
I will say this, though. You did a fantastic job at putting me in the head of Billy. I felt like I actually was Billy, at moments. Putting in their relationship in that past was a good move. Had you have not done that, there would probably be no empathy for the protagonist. It just sucks that Billy turned out to be but a mere lost ghost.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lucien Maier

1 Year Ago

Humm not sure how it was Cliche. It was a twist and sounds like it worked?
J. Justice Mendez

1 Year Ago

So, you've never watched a movie or read a story where a character is dead the entire time but he do.. read more
Lucien Maier

1 Year Ago

hahaha alright...

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Added on September 12, 2016
Last Updated on September 12, 2016

Author

Lucien Maier
Lucien Maier

Salt Lake City, UT



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An Author of the new way. Listen to a poem or two? How about a story then? more..

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