Secret Pain

Walk straight, shoulders back

Keep your head up, don't look down

Make sure to smile, look him in the eyes

Fight those tears, don't you dare cry

Move quickly now, evade watching eyes

Laugh when it is needed, not over done

Brush off those insults, you're better than that

Tell him that you're fine, he won't ask twice

Do it with a smile, don't leave doubt

Believe it yourself, if only for now

Rush home at the bell, you're one step closer

Lock your door, be sure the window is closed

Pick up that razor, not too deep

Let the tears fall, now get some sleep

Time for school, lets do it again

It's a never ending facade, it doesn't end

Author's Note

I'd like you to be brutal, don't hold back. If your thinking it, type it, send it

Reviews

[Cool Handless Luke]

Being one that has written extensively on this theme (in a semi-epic book of poems called Burdalane) I can be brutally honest in telling you i think you did very well in your disconnected sentences and hitting straight on the issue without over indulging or elaborating. sometimes extensive metaphors work in revealing and connecting reader to writer but this type of straight from your heart style you have is very pure and very heartening to read. i would love to read more of your work. maybe expanding on this theme in separate poems without bogging down and beating the story to death in one long poem - you didn't do this and it's perfect but i feel like you have more to say - am I wrong? if you do then by all means commit your feelings to paper. if nothing else it is a very therapeutic endeavor. please recommend them to me if you write more and take care.

[Mizuki Tsukiakari]

I completely loved it! I liked the story in this poem. It was good. I liked: "Tell him that your fine, he won't ask twice." ;p

[Sereza Sunshine]

It's really like being inside of someones head. A little cliche but- still, well done. This is what a young girl/boy would whisper to themselves... Just to make it through a day... It's so sad when the only thing you have to look forward to is cutting yourself at the end of the day. It really is so sad... When you need it and crave it and it becomes everything... Good for you for writing a poem like this and for giving people a glimpse of what it feels like. Take care... :)

[Rachel Koepke]

I really liked it. it was amazing in flow and words:

Rush home at the bell, you're one step closer

Lock your door, be sure the window is closed

Pick up that razor, not too deep

Let the tears fall, now get some sleep


amazing and beautiful, I really truely love this poem

[Twilight]

Well, it lacks a true rhyme scheme or flow. Also, there is not really any special or unusual imagery. On the otherhand, it seems to hold together quite well. Indeed, it is perfectly clear what the writer is trying to express. And she does so, without any ambiguity or pointless lines. Every line has some meaning, which adds value to this poem.

By implication, the pain of misplaced love, or the sudden loss of romance in the life of the protagonist, are ultimately responsible for the self-harm depicted in this piece of dark poetry. In addition, the writer reminds her readers, of the brave facade which a self-harmer often adopts (in order to hide her true emotions). The writer seems to have captured the angst and emotional pain, of this solitary form of self-torture.

In theme, this poem is dark, sad and disturbing. Even so, such thoughts and feelings should be expressed (and shared with others), in an environment where nobody is likely to question or mock these observations. By coincidence, a small number of my friends on this site, make no secret of their tendency to self-harm. In some small way, perhaps the writer was inspired by a yearning to let others know, that they are not alone?


Thankyou, Lunar Lighting!

[timcampbell]

i've had many friends cut, mostly over things like this. honest, to the point. good.

[hershey's kiss]

sounds like my best friend..
I cried inside reading this.
which is a good thing, you brought the raw emotion right to my face.
it's a very well written piece, I like it a lot.

- hershey's kiss

[...MysteryGirl...]

this is a very true poem
but hope that this is not you.
but otherwise this is very good