The Last Gamecube

The Last Gamecube

A Screenplay by Miles W.
"

A project that me and my two good friends came up with and never made this into fruition. It is kind of funny though.

"

The Last Gamecube

Scene 1: News Broadcast/Intro Credits/initial escape

Characters: Random people destroying Gamecubes, Bro, Dude, N.S., Man (shopkeeper), newscaster

Locations: peoples homes, street, Play it Trade it Polaris

Props: tiny car, NERF gun, gamecubes, smashing stuff

 

 

<“Typical” Comedy Productions Presents, an It Came From the Marching Band film,>

<cut to inside of somebody’s house and show people sitting there, watching the news>

News Anchor: And in gaming news, the latest financials from Nintendo have surfaced and revealed that the Nintendo Gamecube is the worst selling console in the history of the company and gaming consoles in general.

<people look at each other look down at the floor, shows gamecube just sitting there>

Person 1: Well, I guess if it sold really bad, nothing good can come from it.  What should we do with it man?

Person 2: I don’t know.  Want to record us destroying it and see if we get a bunch of views on YouTube?

Person 1: Eh, why not?

<cut to outside, Person 1 raises baseball bat onto shoulder>

Person 1: Well, since you sold so poorly, there’s only one thing we can do with you!

<camera shows person swinging baseball bat, about to hit camera.  fades to black>

<The Last Gamecube>

<cut to PITI, roll intro credits, shows Dude strolling through with headphones on>

Dude: Hey Man, is Link’s Awakening in yet?

Man: Sorry.  Not today.  We did get Klonoa though.  You want that?

Dude:  Alright.  Sounds good to me.

<buys game, walks out, puts on headphones.  Music plays, skateboards down the street.  As he passes houses, people are destroying game cubes, Dude doesn’t notice.  Rolls up to Bro’s house.  Walks inside, door closes, a gamecube lands damaged in the front lawn.>

Bro: Hey Dude.

Dude: Hey.

Bro: Anything good?

Dude: Awakening wasn’t in yet, so I got Klonoa.  You got any good multiplayer games?

Bro: I got Mario Power Tennis.

Dude: Bro, the Wimbledon ended last weekend.  How about Mario Baseball?

Bro: Eh, why not?

<go down to basement, turn on TV, news anchor shows up>

Anchor: And in internet news, the latest viral trend is people taking the few game cubes in the world and smashing in various ways from simply using a baseball bat to the most horrific ways possible.

<Bro and Dude look at each other with confused looks and look down at their gamecube>

Anchor:  Word is coming in that all the game cubes in America have been destroyed and that a man known as (coughs) Schwarzenegger  (coughs) not, is going to go to Japan and continue the trend of destroying gamecubes. <N.S. walks into studio.>  Mr. Schwarzenegger, (laughs under his breath), how will you convince the people of Japan to let you destroy the game cubes out of the blue and with no legal repercussions?

N.S.:  I will tell them, either you let me use your game cubes as target practice, (flips shades) or I use YOU as target practice.

Anchor: Fair enough

<Turns off TV, they look at each other>

Dude: Bro, why would they destroy the gamecube?!  It’s an awesome system!

Bro: Dude, we’ve got to warn Japan.

Dude: But how?

Bro: Easy Dude.  Nintendo of America.  They have a hardline to Nintendo of Japan.  If we warn them about what’s going to happen, maybe we can save the gamecubes.

<Door knocks, Bro walks up to answer, N.S. kicks it open.>

Bro: Holy S**t!

N.S.: I have come here for your gamecube.

Bro: Um…what gamecube?

N.S.: The one you are holding in your hand.

Bro: (looks at gamecube) Um…this is just a lunchbox! (nervous smile)

N.S.: Lately, I have been destroying… “lunchboxes”. <gun about to fire, Bro gets scared, gun clicks.>

N.S.: Huh? (clicks again and again) Damn! Out of ammo. (walks off, turns around) I’ll be back.

<dude runs up, panting>

Dude: Bro, we’ve got to get to Nintendo of America.  You know how to get there?

Bro: No.  You?

Dude: Fortunately, yes.

Bro:  All right.  How should we get there.  Car? Boat?

Dude: Roll.

Bro: Roll?

Dude: Bro, how does one get around in legend of zelda in 3D pre-Skyward Sword?

Bro: Dodge rolling?

Dude: Exactly.  Lets roll!

Bro: Wait!

Dude: What?  We need to go now!

Bro: Dude, we need to protect the last gamecube in America, don’t we?

Dude:  Oh yeah.  And we should also probably grab the games while we’re at it.

<cut to them packing up the bag, putting in games>

Bro: Dude, how are we going to fit all these games in here?

Dude: and these controllers! <puts in controllers> And the gameboy player! <puts it in> and this Gameboy Advance! <puts it in> And the gamecube itself! <puts it in the bag>  <Bro looks in, bag is empty.  Puts hand inside, pulls out gamecube. confused look on his face. They head outside, and start walking out the door and down the sidewalk.  A shot is fired and misses them by a whisker.  They turn around to see N.S. chasing after them in a tiny car.>

N.S.: That was just a warm up shot.  I don’t miss that easily.

<Bro and Dude start running, shots keep missing them.  Cut back to N.S.>

I swear, these are all practice shots.

 

 

Park Battle Scene

Location: Perry Park

Characters: Bro, Dude, N.S., Twilight Princess Link, Wind Waker Link, Crystal, mob people

Props: Wind Waker, Nerf Gun, tiny car

 

 

<Bro and Dude run past a baseball field, chased by mob people.  The mob people grab baseball bats from a nearby dugout, and keep chasing after Bro and Dude.  They reach the outfield wall>

Bro: Dude!  We’re trapped!

Dude: Nah, Bro.  Lets just scale the fence!

Bro: We can’t!  We don’t want to risk damaging the gamecube! <during this time the mob looks like they are getting closer but they haven’t yet.> Um, shouldn’t they have reached us by now?

Dude: Eh.  Beats me.  Wait, Bro, who’s that?

<cut to WW Link talking to TP Link>

WW: I pioneered the way for Zelda on the Gamecube!

TP:  (sarcastically) Yeah, with your cell shaded graphics.  While you played in the ocean, I gave fans the realistic looking Zelda that fans were waiting for ever since the Gamecube premiered at E3!

WW: Oh yeah, with “I don’t give a s**t princess Zelda.  And besides, I got the coolest mode of transportation.

TP: Pft.  Yeah right. You got the most ANNOYING form of travel ever.  I got Epona.  Classic 64 era mode of transport baby.

WW: Well…uh, I have means of transporting myself from place to place! <pulls out wind waker>

TP: <steals wind waker.> Oh come on, this thing? I turned into a wolf for crying out loud! <WW jumps up trying to grab it, TP holds it out of reach.> What’s the matter, too short?  <WW gives him annoyed look, kicks him in the groin area. TP reacts accordingly.>

WW: What’s the matter, too tall?

<wind waker drops at the feet of Bro and Dude.  Bro picks it up and realizes that the crowd hasn’t moved an inch>

Bro: Um…why’d you guys stop running at us?

Random mob person 1: we were distracted by those two idiots also.

Random mob person 2: Why were we chasing these people again?

Dude: Because…we have the last Gamecube?

Bro: DUDE! <whacks him in the head>

Dude: Oh yeah. Right…

Mob: Take them down! <yells>

Bro: <picks up wind waker>

Dude: I don’t think this is the time for you to practice your music career!

<mob is not getting any closer>

Bro: Trust me, I’ve got this. <plays ballad of the gales, wind blows mob away, Bro and Dude high-five>

Dude: Bro, with that thing, we don’t have to worry about the mobs ever again!

Bro: Or, since we have the power of the gales, we can just teleport ourselves to Nintendo of America!  Piece of cake! <shot rings out and wind waker goes flying off out of reach. cut to N.S., has a scope on his gun now>

N.S.: I told you those were target practice. <drives around, takes time with tiny car, Bro and Dude are having confused looks, are about to run and grab the wind waker, when another random mob person jumps in front of them>

Dude: Wait, didn’t we just blow you guys away from here with the wind waker?

Random mob person 1: Um… it only carried us to the baseball diamond next to this one. <look over and see the other people getting up from having been blown away a few yards.>

Dude: Oh crud.

Bro: RUN LIKE HELL! <shot rings out and they stop running.  N.S. comes up and aims gun at them>

N.S.: Game over.

Dude: Bro!  Send out a distress signal!

Bro: Huh?

Dude: PRESS THE RESET BUTTON!

Bro: Oh.  Ok. <presses button.  Nothing happens. presses repeatedly.  Nothing happens.> NOTHING’S HAPPENING!

N.S.: Hasta la Vista kiddies.

<flash of light in the sky, crystal shows up and knocks them all back off their feet with an energy blast>

Krystal: A xulo hosaolot peib tackhocc, udt A um fhofuhot ke xocf pei nukx peib suijo.

(I have received your distress signal.  And I am prepared to help you with your cause)

Everybody: What?

 

Krystal: Hout kxo tamd jirkikcos!

(Read the damn subtitles)

Everybody: (looks down) Oh.

N.S.: There’s one problem.  I can’t read. (everybody smacks their heads) ( N.S. gets up) I like you lady.  I think I’ll kill you first.

Krystal: De.  A um nakx Star Fox, udt A xalo u Land Master touty ke trep euk ef the jky and ctujh yeut ujj.

(No.  I am with Star Fox, and I have a land master ready to drop out of the sky and crush your a*s.)

N.S.: Whatever, I still kill you anyway. <charges Krystal.  Krystal battles with quarterstaff, battle rages, Bro and Dude look at each other with confused looks, then sneak off.>

Random Mob person 2: Uh, hey boss?

N.S.: Not now.  I am busy making myself look badass.

Random mob person 1: But the gamecube,

N.S.: I WILL USE YOU FOR TARGET PRACTICE NEXT IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP! <battle rages, on, Crystal gets knocked back.>

Krystal: Ugh, visb kxaj.  A xalo to got touty for udekhot Star Fox 64 tomuko.

(Ugh , f**k this.  I have to get ready for another Star Fox 64 remake)

<walks off in a huff, N.S. cleans his sunglasses.>

N.S.: Now then kiddies, It is time for you to…(notices they are gone) D****T!  WHY DIDN’T YOU IDIOTS TELL ME THEY LEFT!

Random mob person 1: Well, we tried, but you said you would use us for target practice if we interrupted your fight!

<N.S. points gun at the mob, looks like he is going to shoot, then puts gun down>

N.S.: Consider yourself lucky I need the ammo. (walks off, then looks back at them) But don’t worry.  I’ll be back. <walks off into the forest.>

 

 

 

 

 

Forest Scene

Location: Perry Park

Characters: Bro, Dude, Olimar, N.S.

Props: Nerf Gun

 

 

<Bro and Dude are running through the forest, come upon a small clearing next to a giant tree by a stream.  They stop to catch their breath.>

Bro: I think we lost him.

Dude: Yeah, that’s great.  But now we’re lost!  How the flip are we going to get to Nintendo of America now?

Bro: Let me check the map. (pulls out gameboy.  Whacks it, doesn’t work.)  Oh for crying out loud!

Dude: Great now what.

Bro: Easy.  We go back the way we came.

Dude: Yeah, no.

Bro:  Why not.  Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you get lost in a forest.

Dude: Um, genius, that crazy guy is following us?  And if we go back all we’ll do is just run right into him?

Bro:  Oh…yeah….WELL HOW THE F**K ARE WE GETTING OUT OF THIS ONE?!

Dude:  THAT’S WHAT I SAID!

Olimar (off camera): Say, can you help me? I am looking for my pikmin.

<they turn around.  Camera reveals Olimar.>

Dude: Uh, who are you?  And why are you bobbing your head up and down like that?

Olimar:  What do you mean?  I am clearly communicating to you.

Dude:  There you go again.  I literally have no flipping idea what you are doing.

Bro:  Um…subtitles?

Dude: (looks down) Oh yeah.  Forgot about those.

Bro:  Anyways, you said you were looking for your pikmin?

Olimar: Yes, my pikmin.  They remind me of carrots.  Which makes it really difficult when I am stranded and don’t have any food.

Dude: Carrots?  They look more like turnips on the game cover. (whips out game cover)

Olimar: What is this?  Is it some form of history log?  How do you turn it on?

Bro: Um…it’s a video game.  You play it on a game system.

Olimar:  Video game?  What is that?  Is it some form of computer?

Bro: Uh, the system is.  The game itself makes it run in a way.

Dude: Anyways, do you know how to get out of here buddy?

Olimar: Certainly.  But I’ll only show you the way if you tell me where my Pikmin are.

Dude: Well, I don’t-(Bro covers his mouth)

Bro: I think I saw them back…(points where they came from) that way.

Olimar:  Excellent!  And for you, the exit you seek lies in that direction.

<they both walk off and go their separate ways.  Olimar is walking through the forest.  N.S. is walking through the forest, runs into Olimar.>

N.S.: What the f**k.  A midget?

Olimar: Oh hello.  Have you seen my Pikmin?

N.S.: (Looks down at subtitles.)  Can you speak?  I can’t read.

Olimar: Huh?  What do you mean you can’t read?  Didn’t you go to school?

N.S.: I said I can’t READ!!!! <pulls out gun, points it at Olimar’s head.>  Now you will tell me where those two losers went or I will blow a hole in your dome. <Olimar fearfully points in direction of where Bro and Dude went.  N.S. pushes him to the side.>

N.S.: I will find them, and I will go even further into the viral world. <walks off, Olimar looks at camera confused.>

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Last Gamecube Script idea

Scene: city chase scene

Location: German Village, Bookloft

Characters: Bro, Dude, N.S., Viewtiful Joe and girlfriend

Items needed: GC, tiny car, truck, book, nerf gun

 

 

<bro and man are running down one of the brick streets, N.S. is on their tail>

Bro: Dude, you sure this is the way to Nintendo of America?

Dude: Hey, have I been wrong so far?

Bro: Well considering we’ve gotten nowhere yet, I can’t say for sure.

<cut to N.S. driving tiny car, it is struggling with the brick road>

N.S.: I know old ladies that run faster dan zis car! <car tips over>

N.S.: (Beep!) this car!

<looks over and sees man leaving truck, heavenly music plays, N.S. raises flip shades up>

N.S.: Now that, <flips shades down, c***s gun and takes aim> is a manly car. <fires and kills truck owner, gets in, takes off after Bro and Dude>

<Cut to Bro and Dude running, they turn their heads and see N.S. driving the truck towards them>

Dude: Oh come on!

Bro: Hey, he can’t drive through here.  Come on! <two duck into the walkway by Bookloft.  Run by main entrance, are grabbed by Viewtiful Joe>

Dude and Bro: Viewtiful Joe!

VJ: Yeah, that’s me.  And I’m here to turn you over to that guy! <they turn and see N.S. walking towards them with a shotgun>

Bro: What? But how Joe? You were a Gamecube character!  Your loyalty should be with us!

VJ: That may be so, however, I was also a part of the Capcom 5 that also had a game on the PS2.  And that is where my loyalty lies.  Now, time for your Gamecube to die. <chokes them both, N.S. takes aim>

N.S.: Game over man. <loads barrel, about to pull trigger>

Silvia: JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEE! <everybody turns and sees Silvia walking towards group angry>  How dare you betray the Gamecube like this!  The Gamecube is where you became popular!

VJ: But honey, the PS2…

Silvia: Oh no!  I am having no more of your excuses Joe!  You are going to apologize to these nice boys and you are going to beat that man over there to a pulp!

N.S.: But only I beat people to pulp.

Silvia: YOU STAY OUT OF THIS CREEP! <N.S. takes a step backwards, a little intimidated>

VJ: But, but,

Silvia: BUT WHAT?

VJ: But, squares and x’s and circles, oh my!

Silvia: UGH!  I have HAD IT with you!  Thats it. <grabs book> I’m throwing the book at you! <throws book, VJ ducks, letting go of Bro and Dude in the process.  Book hits N.S. in the face and knocks him flat>

<senseless arguing continues, Bro and Dude look on with confused looks, and slowly walk away  N.S. gets back up, flips his shades back down and goes to his truck.  Looks back at VJ and Silvia>

N.S.: <looks at camera like braking the 4th wall> Makes me glad I don’t have a girlfriend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Last Gamecube

Scene: Nintendo of America

Location: Grover’s house (if possible)

Characters: Bro, Dude, N.S., Tom Nook (puppet), Nintendo wise man.

 

 

<Bro and Dude walk up in front of house, look around>

Bro: Um…are you sure this is Nintendo of America?

Dude: Why wouldn’t it be?

Bro: Because…it looks like your house.

Dude: Nah.  Can’t be!  If it was my house, why is there a sign that says Nintendo of America right next to it. <cut to sign. cut back to main characters>

Bro: Huh.  Weird.  Well, whatever.  Let’s get moving.

<they enter the house, find receptionist desk.  Nobody is there.  They ring bell, look around, then look back.  Tom Nook is there (if possible, wearing a tie)>

T.N.: Hi everybody!

Bro and Dude: (bored/annoyed) Hi Mr. Nook.

T.N.: So how can I help you on this fine day?

Bro:  We’re looking for the Nintendo of Japan representative.  We need to warn him that the Not Schwarzenegger is going to go to Japan to destroy the remaining Gamecubes and go viral on YouTube! <Tom Nook gives them a weird look>  It’s true! <still gives them weird look>

Dude:  Come on, you’re a talking raccoon wearing a tie.  I don’t think that this is too outlandish.

T.N.: <ponders for a second.>  You will find who you are looking for upstairs, down the hall to the left.  Now if you will excuse me…<goes back to his computer.  Bro and Dude go upstairs.  N.S. barges in, looks around, looks at T.N.>

N.S.: What are you, some kind of muppet reject?

T.N.: Hi everybody!

N.S.: Who is this everybody?  I know I command a large presence, but I am the only one in this room.

<cut to Bro and Dude looking at doors, find door with Japanese characters on it.>

Dude: I think this is it.

Bro: Ya think? (sarcastically) <they open door, find wise man sitting in meditation position.>

NWM: Must think of ways to remake the same game…must try to come up with reason to remake Star Fox 64 again…<keeps muttering as the two come in.>

Bro: Uh…are you the representative of Nintendo of Japan? <NWM gets up>

NWM: How…may I help you?

Dude: Um…

NWM: Say no more.  I already know why you are here?

Bro: Well that’s great!  I assume you have warned Japan already?

NWM: Yes of course.  And they were very excited about the news.

Dude: Excited?  They were excited to have all the game cubes destroyed?

NWM: Oh.  I thought you were here to buy a Wii U.  The fact is, it’s been selling so poorly recently, every time we sell one, it’s considered worthy of a celebration.  But why would anyone want to destroy gamecubes?

Bro: Well, apparently, there was this news broadcast that said the gamecube was one of the worst selling system of all time, so now everybody thinks they can go viral on YouTube if you smash one on camera.  And this guy who calls himself Schwarzenegger, even though he’s not, said he was going to go to Japan to…

NWM: Oh yeah.  That thing.  Well, in this case scenario, there is only one thing you can do.

Dude: and what might that be?

NWM: You must remind everybody that it is not the hardware, the sales, or the fan base  that makes the console, but rather the games.  Convince them.  Challenge the one you call Schwarzenegger to a battle, that is sure to get the news crew on the scene.  Then, defeat him, then tell everybody the truth! 

Bro:  Okay, why not just tell the news that right now?

NWM: They won’t listen.  All the stations agree, as do the people.  If you get all the people in one place at the same time, they you will surely win the day.

Dude: This doesn’t make any sense.

NWM:  Trust me on this one.  Now get out of my office!  I must meditate on how to make Luigi look even better than Mario in the next game. <resumes meditating, Bro and Dude leave the office.  NWM looks up to make sure they are gone, then goes over to telephone.>

NWM: Hello, channel 5 News?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Last Gamecube

Final Scene

Location possibilities: In front of Grover’s house, behind Grover’s house.

Characters: Bro, Dude, N.S., random people

Props: nerf guns, baseball bat, fan, soccer ball, top, lawn mower (?)

 

<Bro and Dude walk up to N.S., crowd of people surrounds them.>

N.S.: You may think you have caught me, but I let you catch me so that I may destroy you into tiny pieces alongside your gamecube!

Bro: Really man?  You’ve been chasing us for the whole day!  You even got a book thrown in your face! <crowd laughs, N.S. looks around a bit embarrassed.  Pulls up his gun.  Everybody quiets down. he points gun at Bro and Dude>

N.S.: (laughs) I like you both.  I think, (puts down gun) I will give you a handicap. <both sides get into fighting stances.>

<Fighting.  items will be thrown in and added to the choreography at directors decision>

<fight is going Bro and Dude’s way, N.S. runs into crowd, re-emerges with gun.>

N.S.: I lied. <is about to pull trigger, when it clicks again>

N.S.: Why do I always run out of ammo when I have them right where I want them?! <throws down gun, charges at the in a blind rage.  Bro and dude look at each other, stand aside, N.S. runs into truck, falls down.>

N.S.:  All right, we’ll call it a draw. <passes out.  Crowd cheers, Bro and Dude get to higher ground.>

Bro: People people!  Let me ask you something.  Why the flip would you destroy a game console without trying the games out first?  Or in the case of the gamecube, play them again?  Who could forget classics such as, (list off several classic gamecube games and people grab them and find them interesting, as well as saying oh yeah, and that’s right.).

Dude:  And who could forget…(pulls out s****y game) no one likes you.  Get out of here! <tosses it into the air, N.S. gets up, then gets hit by game box.  Falls back down.>

N.S.: That… may have been excessive. <passes out again.  A news truck comes by.>

Newsman:  This is your live reporter for channel 5 news.  Can we get your names for the press boys?

Bro:  You go ahead Dude.

Dude: Nah Bro, you go.

Bro: Come on.  I think it would look better on the 5:00 news if it said Dude and Bro rather than Bro and Dude.

Dude: Actually, I like Bro and Dude better to be honest.

Newsman:  Wait, are you telling me your names are Bro and Dude?

Bro and Dude: Wasn’t it obvious?

Bro:  That’s all we called ourselves during this adventure.

Dude:  Wait a second, why would our parents give us those specific names?

Bro:  You know what, I really don’t know.  Hey, newsman, do you have a top on you?

Newsman: Uh, sure why? <gives them the top, they go over to a nearby table.  Spin top, they wait, (insert spongebob 5 minutes later here) top is still spinning.>

Bro and Dude together: Dream.

<Evan wakes up in his bed in a hurry.  He sees Nathan leaving the bathroom.>

Nathan: Oh,  Morning Evan.  Sleep alright?

Evan:  Not really, no.  I had the craziest dream.

Nathan: Oh please.  It couldn’t be that bad.

Evan: Links Awakening.

Nathan: Oh…that bad.

Evan:  It was weird.  Me and Trevor were trying to save the last gamecube in America, and Ty was chasing us for some reason, and I think Christy was in there somewhere for no particular reason.

Nathan:  That is weird.  Oh well.  We gotta get going.  Hate to miss the bus on test day.

Evan:  Yeah, that would be awkward, wouldn’t it.  All right.  Let me just get ready real quick. <cut to them leaving the house, then cut to Ty pushing a lawn mower>

Nathan and Evan: Morning Ty!

Ty: Hey, morning people!

Evan: You going to classes at the university today?

Ty: Nah, I need to be here to make sure everything is clean before my parents get back tomorrow night.  You know, just so they know I was somewhat responsible and not hanging out with my girlfriend the whole time. (They all laugh)  Well, have a good day you guys!

Evan and Nathan: See you man! <get in car, drive off, Ty looks over, flips shades down>

Ty: I’ll be back.

<roll credits>


© 2014 Miles W.



Author's Note

Miles W.
Special thanks goes to my good friend, Nathan Grover, the man who originally thought this up and added in the swearing for me (I don't like saying or typing swear words, so he covered that for me). I would like to thank all those who tried to help make this project a reality, even though because of my lack of experience it failed.

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This is great! Fabulous plot line, funny characters, and a amazing ending!

Posted 1 Year Ago


I love every bit of the screenplay.....

Posted 1 Year Ago



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Added on December 3, 2014
Last Updated on December 3, 2014
Tags: comedy, action

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Miles W.
Miles W.

Columbus, OH



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I am a college student currently studying in Film Production. My dream is to become a film director, creating my own stories. I love writing stories and fan fiction. Please check it out, share and .. more..

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