Every Time.

A Poem in which i explain how confusing you make me feel. DISCLAIMER* Not claiming to be an amazing writer, I'm always looking to improve. I just love to write and want to get some feedback.

Every time you leave its like a new part of me dies,

sometimes its parts of my soul that i didn’t even know existed.

Every time you leave i get so angry with you,

why can’t you stay with me.

Every time you leave i get so angry with myself,

why would i even stay.

Every time you leave its like i can’t breath,

i’m so dependent on you.

But

Every time you come back its like a new life,

you open my eyes to things I’ve never seen before.

Every time you come back i love you more,

Your smile, your laugh, your heart.

Every time you come back you make me love myself more,

The compliments that you give makes me feel so self confident.

Every time you come back its like i don’t need to breath,

i’m invisible with you by my side.

Author's Note

Hi guys :)
Please ignore all of my grammar problems, to be honest i'm not quite sure how i feel about this ^^ but i thought that i might post it and see what y'all thought.
Constructive Criticism is allowed and needed.

DISCLAIMER* Not claiming to be an amazing writer, I'm always looking to improve. I just love to write and want to get some feedback.

-MW x

Reviews

[Pursue Peace Blog]

Hi Madelyn! Great poem! I struggled with the message as I can picture about a million different possibilities: is it two lovers? Is it a child and a parent? Is it the speaker's relationship with God? It could be a number of things, but that does make it more fun! The last line, "I'm invisible with you by my side" is very ambiguous. The speaker talks as though she needs this person in his or her life, yet, to be invisible by someone's side seems like a very bad thing. The typos are a bit distracting; however, you chose a common theme that many experience. A relationship full of ambivalence and you talk about it in a way that is inviting and not too emotional. Great job! Keep writing!

[barleygirl]

You have painted a word picture of co-dependent love without it coming across all maudlin & full of self-pity. I love the way the narrator owns his/her own actions, not just spewing at the perpetrator of her misery. Co-dependency is a 2-way street, which this poem shows clearly. The roller coaster is shown here in it's full glory. I love that your words have a certain intensity, but not overly dramatic & bleak. There are typos here, but the message is strong & clear.

1st & 2nd lines: it's . . . needs apostrophe
Line 7: breathe . . . needs "e" at the end