fragments & dust

This is poem I wrote about my ex-girlfriend and I's relationship.

what was it about the ebb and flow we couldn't seem to unify into one motion of wholeness

you masted the ebb it seemed

and somehow, i mustered up the means of a flow

your low tide waning

my stream running low like that of the santa fe river in july

 

that reminds me

wasn't it you that said i would be the one to saunter off

but here i am

wondering where you are

and after all this time

still

no response from you

 

three unforgettable winters together

first it was captivating

consumed me practically to digestion

second was unrequited

fueled by my unresolved assumptions

third was

well

that was the one that disintegrated us

expired us into fragments & dust

that one that we lived in the sage colored shed behind the sage colored house with lavender trim on madison street

i remember laying in your strong arms watching the feathery fringed snow pile up outside on the deck thru our slightly crooked window you carved into the wall

there we were

keeping one another warm with our shared listlessness, despondency and routine allegiance to one another

a job would have made things less languid

direction or purpose would have brought home a sense of inspiration

i wonder if your searching still

i know i am

 

the antagonism was being reflected back onto each of us

and even though "love filled this room"

we embraced bitterness as a way to release our melancholy

i disposed my internal torment onto you like excess fragments of hot iron

 

we were just on the verge of making it

or so i deluded

 

when february hit

those mustard yellow walls and heliotrope purple linens enshrouded me in comfort

when i arrived there was heat

and even a toilet and kitchen to use

this became the place i took refuge in

 

oh seattle

remember those cedar tree nights

sitting under the infamous cloudy portland sky

i was trying to penetrate us

my fear

myself

but rather

i returned to my familiar pattern

there i sat

protecting my burned, parched heart regardless of the dank, dewey earth we reflected upon

what a contradiction we were

what a pair

i had the wisdom of her ancient heart to lean against

yet my own

deeply brutalized

was stewing in a container of anguish

 

i wanted so authentically

to let past recollection go

but rather engaged equivocally

in doing all i knew how to do

watching our percolating delusions splatter, spurt, squirt over the sides

of our ever growing pot of apprehension

i became numb to our my affliction

my own projected callousness

 

that was the winter the frigidness painstakingly invaded my heart

as i became as Antarctic as snow people do

in the middle of a monsoon winter

 

shut down

taking up residence in my own subconscious mind

i refused to meet half way

to be the team player i so longed for

 

i wonder

how will i ever mend this pierced heart?

 

 

Author's Note

just looking for some real critique...I've written for many years and have not presented my stuff to literary audiences...

Reviews

[India]

Wow this is strong yet creative well done
xxxx