KUNG PAO CHICKEN

That night Lenny was going through his closet looking for something to wear the next day. He didn’t want to look too eager.  He realized he was going on a blind date.  Well, he justified, I’m just doing a favor for the  diplomat of Serbia.  It is an honor. He heard the ding of the oven.  His frozen pizza was ready.  He didn’t feel like cooking or ordering in.  He took the pizza to the den and put a movie on.  It was “The Big Lebowski.”  He took a sip from a bottle of root beer and took a bite of the pizza.  It was too soon.  He burned the tip of his tongue.  D****t he thought.  He dropped it on himself and burned his left thigh.  He jumped up immediately.

At that moment the phone rang.

“Hello,” he picked up.

“Hey Lenny. It’s Alice.”

“Oh, hi, Alith.”

“What?”

“Oh, thit,” he said.

“What happened?”

“I burnt my tongue.”

“Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay. I burnt my leg. I have a lithp and I am about to meet the diplomat’s nieth.  And her name ith Therena, for crying out loud.”

“It’ll be okay, Lenny. It’s not a big deal. You can barely notice it. I swear.” She said but burst out laughing uncontrollably.

“Ha  ha.  Real funny.”

“I’m sorry.  It is funny. Come on.  It’ll be fine. Really.  You’re such a great guy, she’ll love you.”

“Okay.”

“Thee you tomorrow,” laughing and hung up the phone.

He threw the pizza in the trash, having gotten turned off by the thing.  He looked in his fridge and decided to have leftover kung pao chicken.  He watched the rest of the movie. He found it enjoyable.  It was about  quarter to ten when he felt a rumbling in his stomach.  The  rumbling was accompanied by pain that increased every second.  Oh, man, he thought. Stupid kung pao chicken. As he ran to the bathroom he tripped over an errant pair of snow boots and fell forward. It was critical moments because he knew he wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom.  The pangs were so intense.  He was clenching his sphincter but it was the point of no return.  He relaxed and it came spewing out, the  wet bubbling sounds echoed throughout the room as he was lying prone on the floor, drenched in his own excrement.  He got up and ran to the bathroom and vomited. This was going to be a long night.

Reviews

[Lyric]

Haha, I really enjoyed this ;-) great job