http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/MrsLowrey/962542/OWNER’S MANUAL
HUMAN MALE, MARK
1, MOD 0
INTRODUCTION: Congratulations
on having acquired your HM1(0). When used according to Manufacturer’s Spec,
this simple tool ought to bring you significant pleasure. The Purchaser would
be well advised that, despite the best efforts of Triumvirate Manufacturers,
this device has rarely performed to expectation, and should be dealt with with
extreme caution. It is still in a development phase"far beyond that deadline
when it ought have been in regular production, and thus should be handled as
though it were an experimental device, or, at the very best, a Prototype.
CAUTION: The Device before
you has both exceeded and (more often) fallen shy of its design protocols. It
seems to perform to maximum capacity in but two tasks: Copulation and
Destruction, and many would argue the former. It has furthermore somehow
managed to meld these two program initiatives into a new subroutine,
tentatively labeled Destruction by
Copulation; of this, more later. Triumvirate Mfg. is seeking to dissociate
these two protocols, never intended to have been joined, as it is felt that their
association is counterproductive.
ROUTINE
SETUP AND USE:
1] Though designed
to be utilized in conjunction with Human Female, Mark 1, Mod 0 (HF1), your
implement seems under normal operation conditions to prefer the company of
other HM1s, one of many design considerations presently under investigation.
When in the presence of one or more HF1s, though, sudden and inexplicable
changes of shape and volume may occur simultaneously. If you are also the
operator of said HF1s, you would be well advised to initiate the Skeptical and Piqued
design protocols, included with your Owner’s Start-up kit.
2] The HM1,
as mentioned earlier, can be managed to maximum efficiency when data and
programming input are kept to a minimum, and in close proximity to the desired result. Its RAM drives have the tendency to spontaneously
combust when overloaded with data it cannot process with its unilinear drives, and has been known to dump all
recently acquired data without warning. HF1 operators should therefore be
cautioned to program their devices to determine
their input goals in advance of the download, rather than at some point during
same.
3] The needs of the HM1, under routine
conditions, are few and simple, being Food, Copulation and Association with
other models of similar needs. The Copulation subroutine, though occasionally
distasteful, seems to the Manufacturers to be of maximum utility in keeping your
HM1 hewing as closely as may be to its initial purpose. Reports have been
received (though not corroborated) that this protocol, accomplished in a
noncritical and not infrequent manner, can and ought to prove beneficial and
even pleasurable to both these models. It should be noted that if the specified
criticality and frequency parameters are not met, the rogue program mentioned
above, Destruction by Copulation, may
self-initiate. HF1s will recognize that program by the HM1’s sudden and
unexplained need for not-previously-required absences to or from work or other
scheduled activities, and ought immediately to take ameliorative action, preferably
in non-terminal fashion.
4] Triumvirate Mfg. assumes full responsibility
for having released the HM1 model in advance of thorough debugging procedures.
Release of the HF1 shortly thereafter was Phase One in Our redesign protocol.
Under ideal circumstances (admittedly rare), it is felt that your HM1 may
provide you with years of dedicated service, and even, occasionally, pleasure,
noting of course, that the HF1 is far and away the more sophisticated device,
and responsibility for the success of that venture rests largely in its hands.
Programming your device carefully, and utilizing the patience the HF1 is
capable of, will maximize both the duration and degree of your new device’s
utility. Good Luck!
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