The Story of Us

An old boyfriend of mine. We ended up working much better as friend than we ever would have as a couple.

 

She has style                                     

He has swag

She takes her heart seriously.        

He plays love like a game

They catch each other’s eye

They fight                           and lie.

Drowning in lust and deceitfulness.

lost in love

not sure where to go.

Love and fascination

finally drawing them together.

bonded by understanding.

Laughs

Sweet Kisses

arguing about nothing in particular

The clock is ticking, relationship dwindling.

 

Similarities  force                     them                 apart

Hurt raging through the air like electricity.

 

 

Compromise calms the storm

puts their hearts back into their perspective places

back into place.

Torn apart and mended,

maybe not as close,

but never far apart.

 

Reviews

[SpokenWord]

Relationships are living and breathing they expand and contract daily but when handled correctly they can last forever. This poem toys with relationships and how couples come together and pull apart but remain as one. I think the structure of this poem represented the way some relationships can look a little chaos but with an under line of order to it. I have one or two suggestions... Meter, Meter, Meter and Meter for one or finding that pulse in your poem where meter wont matter because each line will flow into the next. Personally I hate meter, counting syllables takes away from my creative spirit but I write to music like the rolling stones or jimi hendrix see those groups have my pulse.

[An owl on the moon]

This is so filled with the painful feeling of separation.. the struggle to stay.. to love.. to make it last... I always had to wonder if anything more could have been done.. or if it just wasn't meant to be.. So glad you're still friends.

[Daniel Thomas Andrew Da..]

Relationships - not for me very much - a lot of turmoil - such is life. Well written and dramatic. I liked it. Daniel.

[Ky]

Wow. I understand the imagery yet its hard to put that understanding into words. Your text flow is interesting. Another great job

[AndyJCash]

You see these kind of poems on WC a lot, but atleast there is some sort of happy ending through this. At first I was irritated by the line:
Similarities force them apart
because I felt it broke the rhythm, but then I saw the words and saw what you were getting at. Pretty good.

[Marie Harrison]

A story with a good ending
Friends are hard to come by
Lovely!

[stars are far]

this is so great i loved the first stanza a lot ..

[@zeewhykay]

your alliteration took me through a rollercoaster ride. The imagery is very clairvoyant. i feel as though you really sat down and worked on this with a good ethic.
I definitely like the form, the sentence structure is really rad :)
fave line:
Similarities force them apart

I could also summarize this review with "wow", but it'd give me less points.