Near Dark Heaven

Shelled, cratered. My structure obliterated.

Hurt hard for flailing. I want you.

A simple thrall, I would wear. Sticky picks do not stick -

I cannot breathe. Quilted within the throes, I ask

What is the time?

The final chamber, unsubtle -

The bends, the crunching bolt,

I have no guts to stay awake with these marble

Doom-eyed clackers.

Oh w***e, oh night, your sequins bleed.

 

Drenched in thud headaches,

Meandering and threadless as television.

Do what you wish to me stalker, elements,

Condign my core, my lovely head.

Leave the beam on if you want -

I offer myself to raven stopped clocks.

Carefully I wash the dishes,

Their dirt crust accessible

Clambering downwards and down -

Put away in neat sections.

 

What are these fragments you offer?

Why the mercury noose? A need, my need traduced to sinter.

I know I am not feeling you, snapped into quarters

As the muted moon, bedevilling my skin

My little body ebbs and flows, chased by metallic faces.

The next strength rushes me to some other place

I do not want to be. The chameleon is tired, craves shade.

Compassion from the cull, ghosted morning, eyes robed,

Lame and clammy I awake,

Groaning into another surplus daylight.

Reviews

[Kristallo]

I was feeling uninspired so I came back for a few more reads of this spell-binding stalker of moments. It aches. I think I understand exactly how you felt when you wrote this one. "I have no guts to stay awake with these marble, doom-eyed clackers... oh w***e, oh night, your sequins bleed." Exceptional. I so love your words, Rosa. No matter how many times I read them, it still hits me the same way- it wakes me up.

[Rosalind Gale]

Kiss -
-x-

[Leslie Philibert]

This deserves all the good reviews, and gets a thumb ups from me too. I noticed lots of fine lines. Oh w***e, Oh night has a lot of power, as do many other ( numerous) phrases, good job.

[Rosalind Gale]

Thanks Leslie -
-x-

[Aidz]

Sometimes WC unsheathes a gem, and this is one of those

[Rosalind Gale]

Thanks so much Aidz -
-x-

[Dr. Wood ?]

give me a couple of weeks and I might be able to understand...You are a writer of songs...I can imagine myself straining at the speakers in order to catch the words..I scribble them down and still they do not make sense...YET THEY DO...This is another brilliant poem that I may never understand but will always want to read

[Rosalind Gale]

Dear Doc, thanks for dropping in! I love your reviews, and, I have said it before and I will say it again - you have this uncanny ability to make me smile instantly!
Chin chin!
Rosa
-x-

[Dr. Wood ?]

now THAT In understood...keep smiling

[Ruth]

Left me speechless!

"Oh w***e, oh night, your sequins bleed."...............This, my sweet, amongst so many other great lines and imagery, is astonishing!!!

I smiled at this because of the absolute talent of conveyance and remarkable wording...

Sensational! ♥

[Rosalind Gale]

Thank you Poppy!!
-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-

[Ruth]

xoxoxoxoxo

[Kim]

Gorgeous. I love the stops mid-line in the first stanza. It gives the poem just the right movement. And I love so many of your phrases. "Oh w***e, oh night, your sequins bleed" is simply genius and I adore "raven stopped clocks."

My only editing-type question is about "thread less as television" from the second stanza. I'm wondering if you should write "threadless" or "thread-less" instead of separating the words. It stuck out to me and I'd suggest giving it some thought. Connecting them or adding a hyphen might add some strength to that line.

The mood is fantastically dark throughout. Really great work. Such a great read. Keep up the awesome writing! :)

[Rosalind Gale]

Dear Kim -
Thanks so much for dropping by and reading my poems. I do so appreciate your words and thoughts. I think you are right too, it should be 'threadless' - I think I will change it right now!
Love,
Rosa
-x-

[Baby Ricochet]

Awesome! Love the metaphors.

[Rosalind Gale]

Thank ya Baby
-x-

[Corset]

you never disappoint Rosalind, snatches of a day in emotional turmoil, we all want you, lol, we cry , we chant, we dream, oh Rosalind we cry, wake for us and write your lines for only me, we are such greedy b******s, I apologize for not being more understanding of needs, like rest, come I have written a sandman poem for you dearest lady to promote for sweeter dreams :) oxoxox I am seriously considering batting for the other team, you would be my first pick, if i were to be so bold, hahaa....men are such fickle creatures. :P

[Rosalind Gale]

I wish you to be so bold *blush*
Love you!
-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-

[Kristallo]

This is fantastic, Rosalind. Truly, i'm in awe of each line, each subtlety and the grayness of tone is enriched by the most beguiling and quixotic use of symbolism that I think i've ever beheld. It's fragmented, scathing, wanting, pining, nostalgic, and seething. There is such DEPTH to the emotion you convey, such staggering and heart melting dualities in flavor. For me, it required three read-throughs for the full weight of your expressions to sink in.. and sink in they did, right to the chill of my loneliest bones. Quixotic and refined writing such as this is unmatched in my eyes, you see and feel the world such as I do. It's such a comfort.

I know I am not feeling you, snapped into quarters
As the muted moon, bedevilling my skin
My little body ebbs and flows, chased by metallic faces.
The next strength rushes me to some other place
I do not want to be. The chameleon is tired, craves shade.
Compassion from the cull, ghosted morning, eyes robed

I know I robbed a pretty big chunk of your poem there, but that portion of it was mind bending in it's enormity. It's so... pink floyd, and so Kahlo, and so achingly true to the dizzying complexities of our consciousness and perception of the degradation of the world around us when the world inside our own head isn't right.... This is a masterpiece, and for just a little while, it helped me snap out of 'it'. Thank you, Rosa. ;)

[Rosalind Gale]

Gosh Kris, this is the most wonderful of all thoughts and feelings I think I have ever read, at least on one of my poems. You truly left me speechless and a little teary. Thank you so so much for everything, your encouragement and electronic friendship - your sharing of emotions and generous words just make me so very happy.
Love from me,
-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-

[Kristallo]

Well, I meant everything I said and everything I wasn't able to... I just adore your writing style, you know that. ;) And you, too!