Fog Above The Stream Of Time

For the deep thoughts contest

Perhaps we've got it worked out wrong,
our blinding eyes and deaf'ning ears;
distractions from the primal song,
as mortals ponder what appears,
what senses gather, and adheres
to what's been said and penned and read;
those squeaks of mankind's rusting gears,
so sure to seize in slamming dread
when steady time turns back and sneers. 

This mind that sparks inside my head
is fueled by maybes, faith, and doubt.
I pass the time, have known the dead,
and question what it's all about.
Do gods write poems to my life,
their rhymes of joy, refrains of strife...
or's all a ball of chaos thread
that whips around, its nooses rife...
Perhaps the clues have been misread.

Perhaps those questions buff the mirror,
make sense of all this sensual,
and give a sense of drawing near
the answer, so eventual,
so sure to comfort, like a friend,
so sure to hold me and defend
the tower of this vanity,
where views stretch wide and all's made clear
to stardust claiming sanity.

I ask you, reader - where's the soul...
Is mine a parcel or the whole,
or something fresh, beloved and true...
Does what's in me touch what's in you...

Perhaps my thought's a'twist in rhyme.
Perhaps my soul's the passing time.

Author's Note

Obscure enough?
Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Betty Hermelee]

Pretty obscure..but I’ll take a stab!
Are we talking about questions in our minds about the written word from God to noted writers? I think it’s healthy to question , period, because not everything is truthful,…what is truthful is in our soul, everything else is up for grabs…..
Best,
B.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Betty! :)
I'm questioning what the soul is, and suggest it may be time, and maybe time is a soul we all share.

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome Mat

[Natasha Sakurai]

great! ^_^ i'm not a poetry person but it doesnt take one of those to know where there is someone great at it! very obscure indeed!

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Natasha. :)

[Stan Lee]

Very obscure. In fact I would describe this rhyme as a intriguing web of brilliantly woven obscurities. :D I really enjoyed the rhyming scheme and the perfect rhythmic flow. Also top-marks for having a clear theme. Clear but obscure? Man, go to the top of the class!! :)

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Andronicus. :)
I wanted it to be foggy.

[Stan Lee]

Ah yes, also undoubtedly foggy :)

[mattavelli]

Thanks 🚀
Did you win the superhero contest? I can't find it.

[Stan Lee]

nope. wasn't me....

[Stan Lee]

http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Superheroes!/52792/

must have been the third person?? idk..

[mattavelli]

Looks like its undecided. I guess raina the rouge is out fighting crime.

[Stan Lee]

guess so. :)

[Richard🖌]

Hm? Nine line stanzas of a b a b b c b c b, winding it up with a Quatrain and Couplet refrain of x1 x1 x2 x2, x3 x3 — all in iambic octameter … very nice, Matt; almost, a Spencerian Stanza w/Refrains.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

Well, My Friend,
What I "think" is that you've been thinking again, and you've got us all diving into your think tank with you … LOL!
I hope you won (or will win) the contest with this super effort, Matt, because I cannot imagine anyone topping this one for "deep thinking", or sheer brilliance!
Splendid word-choices, Matt, arranged in perfect iambic meter — a lesson for every hopeful poet who strives for seamless flow to learn from.
Good grammar, too, except for a few missing commas and question marks, and a shade too many ellipses.

It's really quite fun, entertaining, and interesting to wander though the mazes of your mind … thank you for letting us, My Friend! ⁓ Richard

[mattavelli]

Hey, Richard, thanks for reading and the great feedback. Yes, my punctuation... haha... I'll get it right eventually. You hooked me on the ballade form, with its rhyming pattern, and I've been playing along those lines lately. For this one, each stanza is a bit different, switched up where I wanted emphasis. I hope I win the contest. You should submit to it. Ive got two contests of my own going. Submit to those too. Haha... one is a funny senryu contest. I think you swept my last.

[Ellen Kolman]

Excellent read....excellent write...you def succeeded in making us think on a deep level....great questions begging for difficult and complex answers...Bravo

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Ellen. :)

[barleygirl]

This is definitely obscure, with little glimmers of recognition along the way. I used to be able to think such deep thoughts, but now I'm delightfully clueless in the fog. Nice juxtaposition: "our blinding eyes and deaf'ning ears" . . . brilliant: "rhymes of joy, refrains of strife" . . . and so much more. I really do follow & embrace your message, but I'm too shallow to ponder it adequately *smile* . . . Nice rage against the fog.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Barleygirl. :)
I needed deep thoughts for a contest. I was hoping to drown some readers with this one. Haha

[barleygirl]

*glug! glug! glug!*

[Caleb]

I'm a little jealous of your writing. Not so much as envious, but a little disappointed I didn't think of this first

[mattavelli]

Thanks, Caleb. :)

[charlie]

I think it's a good question. Brings to mind that thing C.S. Lewis said: "You don't have a soul. You are a soul; you have a body."

Perhaps it is that everyone has a soul, but we share the animating force, which is spirit. For a time, atleast...

Really nice work in this poem, mattavelli - from structure, to content, and even the title - in my opinion: solid poetry.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Charlie. :)

[Matching Socks]

Deep thoughts and questions.
Is mine a parcel or the whole. Interesting thought.
It never occurred to me if might be a parcel, like a puzzle piece maybe.
I liked this Matt.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Ana. :)

[Joshua Marshall]

I love it. I have absolutely no idea where the soul is. Or if it even exists at all.

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the poetry that asked questions.
"I ask you, reader - where's the soul...
Is mine a parcel or the whole,
or something fresh, beloved and true... "
I liked the above lines. Left the reader with something to think about. The ending was good. Left a open ending. Thank you my friend for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[mattavelli]

Hey, Coyote, thanks for reading. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure my friend and you are welcome.