Summer Morning

Summer Morning

A Poem by mattavelli
"

Pantoum form

"

My wife and son chase butterflies
in the mornings of summer days.
Beneath the South Florida skies,
I watch as my family plays.

In the mornings of summer days,
my worries glide off with the breeze.
I watch as my family plays,
while I relax beneath shade trees.

My worries glide off with the breeze.
They drift to join the building storm,
while I relax beneath shade trees,
on days when morning seems so warm.

They drift to join the building storm,
those pressures rattling their cage,
on days when morning seems so warm,
I wait for the thundering rage.

Those pressures rattling their cage,
where sea breeze meets the heat of day;
I wait for the thundering rage,
while all my cares just float away.

Where sea breeze meets the heat of day,
beneath the South Florida skies;
while all my cares just float away,
my wife and son chase butterflies.


© 2016 mattavelli



Author's Note

mattavelli
This was my first attempt at the pantoum form. It took a while to get the ending how I wanted it. Please let me know what you think.

"PANTOUM

A poem in a fixed form, consisting of a varying number of four-line stanzas with lines rhyming alternately; the second and fourth lines of each stanza are repeated to form the first and third lines of the succeeding stanza, with the first and third lines of the first stanza forming the second and fourth of the last stanza, but in reverse order, so that the opening and closing lines of the poem are identical."
http://www.poeticbyway.com/

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Here's the weird coincidence . . . I just read Lydia's account of "Matthew" before this! So much excess water on your side of our country, while California bakes in the dryness & smoke of wildfires. I was into following "poetic forms" awhile back, but I lost my fervor for that. Normally I'm not crazy about formats that require repeating lines becuz it just seems like I'm reading the same poem over & over again, thru-out the piece. By contrast, you've crafted the repeating lines to actually fit naturally into the flow of your message, so that the repetition aspect isn't noticeable -- your message is what stands out. I love the sweet tender way you write about your family. I love the way this morphs from lovely play session to an upcoming threatening storm -- nice smooth progression. I like messages that twist into something different than how they start out to be. This poem is hitting on all cylinders.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Hello, Barleygirl! :)
Thank you for reading. This form gave me headaches and I set this one a.. read more



Reviews

First of all, thank you for introducing this beautiful form of poetry. I was actually unaware about this style. Very beautifully written despite the restrictions you faced to follow that pattern. Very nice flow. Great rhythm and imagery too.
Overall this is one of the best pieces I have read here on the cafe. I really liked the theme of this one. I also liked the way you brought the family element into this poem.
Outstanding work, Sir :-)

Posted 11 Months Ago


mattavelli

11 Months Ago

Thank you, Gorthi! :)
A friend, here on the café, introduced this form to me.
My 1st review didn't go?? OK, I'll try again. The layout of this is great! I love how you wrapped it up in the end so perfectly. Being from South Florida myself, I love how you described our predictable, moody afternoons so well; laying in the shade of a tree watching the butterflies float while the afternoon storm moves in from the Gulf is one of my favorite things! And I didn't know what a "pantoum" was, thank-you for teaching. Congratulations on a great write Matt
Dani

Posted 11 Months Ago


mattavelli

11 Months Ago

Thanks for reading, Dani! :)
This write was all about trying out the pantoum form. It hurt my.. read more
D. Connolly

11 Months Ago

WEEEELLLL I'm a West Coast girl, soooo.... haha, maybe you and the fam can come check out the Gulf s.. read more
mattavelli

11 Months Ago

Just teasing. Haha
I was born in Tampa.
Such a contrast of style and format. Repeating lines bog me down and feel stale in poetic hindsight. Also it appears tedious when poets feel the need to explain the meaning behind the poem and or the process invoking guidelines. I read the reviews and agree with most of the comments. There is nothing wrong with the myriad stylistic embracings. I simply emote, when pen meets paper, nonconformist that I am.

Posted 12 Months Ago


mattavelli

12 Months Ago

Haha, the vengeance de plume! :)
I agree, the repetition of a pantoum can turn a reader off.<.. read more
VALORMORE DE PLUME

12 Months Ago

Smiling. Thanks.
A nicely worked Pantoum. Moody and atmospheric. I enjoyed the read.

Posted 1 Year Ago


mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Thank you, Robert! :)
I loved loved loved this poem
The last stanza..beautifully elegant..
Yet heart warming
Thoroughly enjoyed the dreamy rapture here
So Aptly captured
I can..
Just picture
Your wife and son chasing butterflies
Very Well Done
Ahh
Debbie

Posted 1 Year Ago


mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Thank you for reading, Debbie! :)
Wow...I don't think I could ever do this.
It's beautiful...and done so well.
It flows...and the imagery is rich and alluring. I can almost feel that warm breeze...see this unfolding.
Beautifully done.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Thanks for reading, Reed! :)
The form was challenging for me. If I can do it, you can. Give i.. read more
This is beautiful. It's very hard to keep a strict format like you did and still have the poem mean something. This makes me want to go to Florida. Good job!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Hey, Joshua! :)
Thanks for reading. I like writing to fit a form, makes it fun.
Here's the weird coincidence . . . I just read Lydia's account of "Matthew" before this! So much excess water on your side of our country, while California bakes in the dryness & smoke of wildfires. I was into following "poetic forms" awhile back, but I lost my fervor for that. Normally I'm not crazy about formats that require repeating lines becuz it just seems like I'm reading the same poem over & over again, thru-out the piece. By contrast, you've crafted the repeating lines to actually fit naturally into the flow of your message, so that the repetition aspect isn't noticeable -- your message is what stands out. I love the sweet tender way you write about your family. I love the way this morphs from lovely play session to an upcoming threatening storm -- nice smooth progression. I like messages that twist into something different than how they start out to be. This poem is hitting on all cylinders.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Hello, Barleygirl! :)
Thank you for reading. This form gave me headaches and I set this one a.. read more
ok, I may be way out on a limb here, and the pantoum is solid (it read great), but the interesting thing is the mix of iambic and almost dactylic stresses? I didn't really notice it until I realized I wanted to read "rattling" with three syllables, and then the mix from "butterflies" to "family" to "thundering" and back to "butterflies" I found striking. Yeah, that fourth stanza really comes off as stormy -- really buckles, which is awesome in contrast to the others. Rad.

Posted 1 Year Ago


mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Hello, Conor, thanks for the great feedback. :)
I speak "rattling" with three syllables, so I.. read more
Conor W. Shenk

1 Year Ago

Ha! I knew it had to be three! I feel validated!
You did a very nice job of that! The structure of the form reminds me a little of ghazal (where couplets are used) There's a real tactile feeling to this, your word choice is so crisp. Very nice. R xo

Posted 1 Year Ago


mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Thanks for reading. :)

First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

1055 Views
31 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on June 4, 2016
Last Updated on June 5, 2016

Author

mattavelli
mattavelli

FL



About
LIFE IS A PARTY. DON'T BE A PINATA. ------------------- Hello, Welcome to My page. I'm Matt. I enjoy reading and writing poetry. If you have a poem that you'd like me to read, please let me know .. more..

Writing
Dze Dze

A Poem by mattavelli



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..