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A Poem by mattavelli
"

a rhyming poem about gun violence

"

It seems that love should counteract
what must be b*****d specs of hate.
And, shouldn't hopefulness distract
from vicious deeds we contemplate
when egos, seeping rage, inflate
to drown a heart in moods, so cold;
a life prepared to detonate...
What comforts lurk in murder's fold?

What comforts lurk in murder's fold
for broken minds, fogged up and cracked,
compassions drained and reason holed, 
convictions thundering to act,
renouncing law and common pact;
for sure to silence the debate
when arguments aren't met with fact, 
but metal tooled to devastate.

What comfort lures from righteous rage,
from tantrums, raving all we want,
the shattered bars of virtue's cage,
as beastly man goes on his hunt,
to take a life, a weakling's stunt;
A manchild grinning to his ears,
so sure he's proved he's not the runt, 
that he can overcome his fears.

Yes, he can overcome his fears,
but not his pride and anger, no,
he's tangled up in his own gears;
each turning tick leaves less to show,
each twisted act leaves less to know
of innocence beneath the sun,
where blood can chill and passions flow,
and anyone can shoot a gun.


© 2016 mattavelli



Author's Note

mattavelli
It's a bit obscure. I started writing this soon after a man with a rifle attacked a nightclub in Orlando, FL, 6-12-2016.
Please let me know what you think.

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Reviews

You have some very clever references here that describes the mindless random actions of the subject.
This is emphasised by the controlled rhyming narrative of your poem that contrasts with the mayhem that it describes.

Posted 1 Year Ago


mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Thank you, Norman! :)
Brilliant! Love the rhyme, meter and especially the message. ~Sharon

Posted 1 Year Ago


mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Thank you, Sharon! :)
Skillfully written piece.
Powerful offering, M!

Posted 1 Year Ago


mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Thank you, Jimmy! :)
I really like your poem. The rhyme is like a spiral. Idk if that makes sense. I wish people could stop hurting each other.

Posted 1 Year Ago


mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Thank you for reading, Crystal! :)
I'm not sure about the spiral. Haha
There is a patt.. read more
I think it is dramatically but intricately and wonderfully penned!! Nice work!


Posted 1 Year Ago


mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Thank you, Kenny!:)
Social commentary wrapped in Sublime rhymes. super tight real talk. Important, impacting. Great piece. Ray xo

Posted 1 Year Ago


aLittlePain

1 Year Ago

Oh dear lord now I'm feeling nervous...I consider you an authority after only reading a handful of y.. read more
aLittlePain

1 Year Ago

I like this one:
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Caroline77/1776617/
mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Haha, no pressure. For me, rhyming is a quasi compulsive hobby.
I'm sober now, and I see that this is indeed a ballade but with a last verse of 8 lines instead of 4. Did you know that if you don't sign in, you can't see the word "b*****d"? Yeah, I haven't been around much lately; been having internet connectivity problems. Things seem a little better now, so I'll make more of an effort. Do you have a challenge for me, perhaps? BTW, I like this poem a lot.

Posted 1 Year Ago


mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Hey, Roland. :)
I'd like to read a funny story.
Ive only written the one ballade, but .. read more
Roland Petrov

1 Year Ago

A funny story? What happened to Woody?
It sounds so familiar, yet I can't figure out the scheme. It seems a bit ballade, a bit villanelle, and a bit sonnet. Regardless, it's a fine piece, but I think it's based on a misunderstanding. Doesn't the right to bare arms mean that we can wear short sleeved shirts? Surely the second amendment doesn't allow anyone who wants to the right to carry a gun? That would be absurd!

Posted 1 Year Ago


mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Hey, Roland, long time no see. :)
I was going for stacked haiku, but my count was way off.read more
Great job with the poem Matt.
I have a friend in California, him and I are always have the gun debate.
I don't believe civilians should have the right to bear arms, he disagrees.
Strong arguments for both sides I suppose.

Posted 1 Year Ago


mattavelli

1 Year Ago

Thanks for reading, Ana, and for trying to fix your friend! :)
Gun makers sell tools to murde.. read more
You're expressing very original thoughts here, on a topic that's been written about & talked about so much, I didn't think there was anything new to say. Even tho I enjoy & relate to your message, the standout star of this piece is the word-crafting. Your word choices, rhymes, rhythm & repeating lines are so well done -- like a master! It's refreshing to read something cerebral about gun violence, after all the emotional outbursts & strife on every tragedy lately.

Posted 1 Year Ago


barleygirl

1 Year Ago

That reminds me of how I never had cable TV for the first 40 years of my life & when I finally did b.. read more
mattavelli

1 Year Ago

And, why do they advertise prescription medicine on tv... Shouldn't doctors be the ones choosing med.. read more
barleygirl

1 Year Ago

You catch my point perfectly (((HUGS)))

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Added on September 22, 2016
Last Updated on September 22, 2016

Author

mattavelli
mattavelli

FL



About
LIFE IS A PARTY. DON'T BE A PINATA. ------------------- Hello, Welcome to My page. I'm Matt. I enjoy reading and writing poetry. If you have a poem that you'd like me to read, please let me know .. more..

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