Creeping Shadows

Creeping Shadows

A Poem by mattavelli
"

.!.

"

I found a flower scorching in the sun,
a dreamt up passion fading in the flesh;
and stroked each tender petal, one by one,
'til both our souls were bare enough to mesh.
And so, we danced like whispers in the crowd,
cocooned within the threads of our desire.
While all that hectic world spun 'round so loud,
we nestled in a rage of quiet fire.
And now, the warmth we've shared seems in the air,
so thick the odd breeze beckons me to bask,
and moods that test the heart so often flare,
so here, dear reader, I will plainly ask-
If love is all it takes to make life shine,
then why are shadows creeping into mine?


© 2017 mattavelli



Author's Note

mattavelli
Please let me know what you think.

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Reviews

I like this a lot. I specifically liked the first line about a flower. Maybe that could be a beginning of something great. Nonetheless it's brilliant. 100/100

Posted 4 Days Ago


mattavelli

4 Days Ago

Thanks for reading, Siobhan! :)
siobhan

3 Days Ago

No worries! Keep going :D
"cocooned within the threads of our desire.
While all that hectic world spun 'round so loud"

Posted 1 Month Ago


mattavelli

1 Month Ago

This is a Shakespearean sonnet.
Sami Khalil

1 Month Ago

:)................
I like this a lot. Ravishingly tender and beautiful.

Posted 1 Month Ago


mattavelli

1 Month Ago

Thanks for reading, Sami! :)
Because my dear poet, You still are unable to completely separate Your love world, from the hecitic one outside, oh and I'm not saying it's easy to do!

Your poem painted that beautiful world, where You dwell in light, in peace and glory, when two lovers create this world together, the world outside disappear, but it's not easy to keep it always safe, unaffected, it needs work from both, I say try Your best not listening always to the noises outside, fade and shine in the gentle poweful whispers of Your love.

Wonderful write, with a wonderful thought!

Posted 4 Months Ago


mattavelli

4 Months Ago

Thank you, Light! :)
Quite honestly, this is easily my second favorite sonnet (perhaps my first favorite depending on my mood).
It's so unique and vivid in its imagery that one can't help but get trapped within your words. I love how your descriptions carry an imaginiative, abstract quality but still flow with continuity and coherancy. I also enjoyed the lighthearted playfulness of the narrator's voice with a serious, dark undertone beneath. As always, your rhyme and meter are on-point and allow the words to dance upon the screen. Bravo!

A few quibbles:
- "And so, we danced ..." The "and so" seems to act as filler to fulfill the meter. I think you should replace it with something more pointed.
- "seems in the air ..." The word "seems" didn't resonate well with me for some reason.

- William Liston

Posted 5 Months Ago


William Liston

5 Months Ago

For suggestions, what about "In bliss, we danced ..." and "the warmth we've shared floats/dies/hangs.. read more
William Liston

5 Months Ago

Also consider: *But* now, the warmth we've shared ...
mattavelli

5 Months Ago

Thanks for the suggestions! :)
I see what you mean with the "seems". I'll think it a bit. The.. read more
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Gee
Many will feel the last two lines Matt, thankfully not me, ( touch wood ) but knowing this place as I do, few will answer.
Another well written piece.....of course

Posted 5 Months Ago


mattavelli

5 Months Ago

Thank you, Gee! :)
We are both shadow and light. Without the light there would be no shadows, without love there would be no loss. It's the unanswerable question that we always ask. Great job.

Posted 6 Months Ago


mattavelli

5 Months Ago

Thank you, Linda! :)
Mind-blowing & awesome! I love the message, the language (nice balance between formal & everyday), & most especially I love the beautifully-crafted imagery using all the senses. This sonnet is damn seductive, my friend. If it even HINTS at the lucky woman your wife must be, then I'm hella happy for her! *wink! wink!* (((HUGS)))

Posted 6 Months Ago


mattavelli

6 Months Ago

Thank you, Barleygirl! :)
A great sonnet - right down to a superbly constructed iambic pentameter. And a great twist in the ending at the thought-provoking question. Well done!

Posted 6 Months Ago


mattavelli

6 Months Ago

Thanks, emi! :)

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Added on July 5, 2017
Last Updated on July 5, 2017

Author

mattavelli
mattavelli

FL



About
LIFE IS A PARTY. DON'T BE A PINATA. ------------------- Hello, Welcome to My page. I'm Matt. I enjoy reading and writing poetry. If you have a poem that you'd like me to read, please let me know .. more..

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