Yesterday

Yesterday I woke and thought

The sun will rise and maybe thaw

The ice that's frozen over my stone heart

I rose up out of bed and tried 

To tie my shoes and say goodbye

But heaven knows how hard it is 

To have to lie about your own mind

About my mind

Yesterday I went to bed

Long, hard day still in my head

Only then, he's back with her again

Every glance just rubs it in

Yesterday I'd want to die

Yesterday I might've tried

Not over him

Or his high school bride

Not over them 

Or my hurt pride

Yesterday was just fine

Yesterday I spoke my mind

Yesterday I rose and thought  

Must the sun rise and thaw

The ice that's frozen over my stone heart

I rose up out of bed and tried 

To shut out all of the lies

And put him far out

Of my mind

Yesterday I couldn't sleep

I tossed and turned but didn't weep

Yesterday I saw his eyes

Sad and Blue

And locked on mine

Reviews

[Nessly]

A lovely and well-written piece.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I love the composition! Especially the lines:
"Yesterday I'd want to die
Yesterday I might've tried
Not over him
Or his high school bride
Not over them
Or my hurt pride"
These are my favourite! Also these shows great strength and power one should have. Great job ☺

[NeuroVersifier]

I like the whole thing, I really do, but I love the last stanza. My humble suggestion is that you throw away the first four stanzas and leave the last one as a brief, stand-alone poem. The last stanza is a kick-a*s poem by itself. To be brutally honest, the four stanzas before it are dead weight by comparison. Trust me on this one. Oftentimes less is more.

Regardless of what you do with it; thanks for sharing.
And keep writing. I think you have a lot of raw potential to be developed.

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the poem. The flow of thoughts led strong ending.
"Yesterday I couldn't sleep
I tossed and turned but didn't weep
Yesterday I saw his eyes
Sad and Blue
And locked on mine"
The above lines I liked. Left reader with places and questions. Thank you Megan for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[JayG]

You need to look deeper into prosody, and structured poetry in general.

The problem is that once you begin rhyming the traditions are invoked by a reader's expectations, like consistent stanza lengths, number of feet per line, constancy of iambic/trochiac usage, etc.

If you've not read it, the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled is a great intro to such things.

On the subject and thoughts of the piece:

In general, our goal is to generate an emotional, not an informative experience for our readers. That's hard to do that by telling them of how we feel. Better to involve them, and make them react emotionally in some way other than with, "Awww...poor baby."

As a personal observation, the number of unrequited love poems is so great that they've been given the title, Dismal Damsel poems. So unless you have something either especially beautiful or unique to say that will move the reader, all too often they've "heard it before."

Sorry to seem so mean. But what I've said is about this poem, as it stands today, has nothing to do with talent, potential, or anything other then the learned parts of the craft.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

[Bear]

In the book of life the section on relationships must be the largest, it is the most complicated part of life and everyone has their own experiences to share. This is another great page in that section of life's book that others can read and learn from. This is both informative and inspirational, Standing Ovation! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[PhoenixDown]

Really enjoyed this. I love this for a few reasons. To quickly point out - great flow, very nice choice of words & smooth transitions. I really respect that. On top of all that, great imagery, great story. Makes for great lessons to be learned or observed. Thank you very much for sharing this.

Phoenix