Persephone

If I had been there,

I would have slapped the seeds

out of her palm --- to scatter

as bright as marbles on the floor,

stomped on them for a good score

just to be sure.

 

 

It was her fault she strayed too far

to pluck a bundle of insouciant flowers

so she could what?--- fashion a wreath

for her head or neck,

to cast into the river once the sun had set.

 

 

The fool swallowed a handful of seeds

and I'm to grieve? as all warmth recedes;

outside rendered desolate.

I'd soon as cry

for the fly

caught on the spiderweb.

Reviews

[Eponine Roy]

This quite reflects the frustration that a lot of people feel when someone does something, ignorantly, that puts them into a horrible spot. For lack of a better example at the moment, like a horridly played game of chess. The way the lines were split also added the effect of wishing to hit away the seeds and the frustration felt by the speaker.

[Hawkmoth]

I love this because I can identify with the situation it describes. The way the narrator spoke was refreshing- no melancholy, no romanticism, only anger and regret- and perhaps thinly disguised sadness. It made the story feel more real.

[Revery]

Topic is interesting but the rhymes are overdone. When I get in that rut I leave leave the rhyme for ever fourth or every sixth line.

[David Lewis Paget]

I like this piece. I also wrote a 'Persephone' some years ago, since suppressed. I admit, yours is better than mine was. However, 'measley' pulls the reader into the present and away from the ethos of the myth. There has to be a better word somewhere.
David.

[Pax Analog]

Ah yes, one always suspects stupidity underneath the mythic romance. Why not, it certainly continues to prevail at the genre box office.

Your tone is insouciant, amusing, one conjures the Stones' "Stupid Girl" for the soundtrack. Ha, they had a song about a spider and fly too.

Have you seen Cocteau's "Orpheus"?

This is fertile ground, the postmod waxing wise at the naive myth figure. Imagine this kind of work done re religious scripture. 70% of planetary humans are still anchored in archaic mythic literalism.

Anyway, I love the poem and your 'tude. Slap the seeds out of the fool's hand.

[Leesah]

Wow...

[Lesley Wood]

The story of Persephone is one of my favorites and it is a tough one on the hardships of life and loss and that eventually all must go on. No tears shed-suck it up be tough. Your poems are strong and I enjoy that.

[PianoandPage]

i love the agressive self confident tone in this. right from the beginning you immerse yourself in mythology. i wish i knew the story of persephone better so that the metaphor hit me deeper.

this is very well written. i love how you write with a cynical air. you brought the author great character. good job.

[MLG]

Wonderfully written poem � strong message � magnificent read

[Girl, Interrupted]

you have an extremely interesting way of writing. it seems to me that your simple, short liners are filled with so much but are not drowned with adjectives. your poems are very easy to read and hold quite a punch.
i must admit, i'm a fan, especially of this poem.

[Sarah Steele]

how sad i always felt bad for her too you caputered her innocence beautifully