A Thousand Cranes

I think I've lost you truly

     as the present is lost to the past

this time:

there will be no more midnight conversations,

murmured lullabies that die to a final note---goodbye.

I found pleasure in being your last waking thought

and you of mine.

     No more, this time.

 

My thoughts inundate themselves, fold and fold

into a thousand paper cranes. They'll not grant me my wish

but gather squawking like vengeful geese as I toss them pieces

of myself , a scrap of hair, a fingertip, a filament of skin,

anything once marked by your tongue and lips.

 

Orpheus found solace in his songs as he was sundered

limb from limb. There is no reprieve for me

waking each morning whole again.

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

You have, what I would call in this day and age, an exceptional grasp of language, and the ability to accurately describe, via imagery, the intensity of inner feeling. This is no mean feat. I rarely like free form poetry, but you manage to combine free form with a hint of rhyme which echoes after the piece has settled in the reader's mind. You also have the ability to plumb the depths of the subconscious mind and heart to extract the verities, and reject wishful thinking. I'm impressed.
David.
(I do think that a comma after 'morning' in the final line, would provide needed emphasis).

[))]

Each strophe (to me) stands wonderfully on its own but together, forms an exceptional read.
I'm amazed at how you managed, with such simplicity, to create in the first stanza the same intensity of the second with its more metaphorical expressions. I have to admit, the second is my favorite though, with the paper cranes/thoughts squawking like vengeful geese as you toss them parts of you, once touched by your lover. The third and last strophe with its ultimate pain couldn't have been described any better. Loved it!

[Fear Corrupts!]

This is great, deep.

[Poeticpiers]

Sad beyond sadness to lose your love is almost beyond bearing. I loved the paper cranes allusion