desert exit, CA

desert exit, CA

A Poem by mercy party
"

#8

"
desert exit, California
to the old streets of Vienna
i guess i'll see ya when i see ya

i'm gonna let you play your game and walk away 
but this time i wont stop to call
i'll make it passed the city walls
everything that we've been through,
after all this time,
i'm only falling in rank

this wasn't suppose to go where it got to
If you say no,
i wont go so you can
drive straight through horizons and sink
don't be so metallic think it through.

a tragedy was on the edge of town
she sure could close a dive bar down
the two of you must be breathtaking-
Staggering and Shaking, 
you found a place with no time and no gavels
a neon sign above the gravel
residual gas fumes from an empty tank
and i'm falling in rank
and you're falling in love

this wasn't suppose to go where it got to
If you say no,
i wont go so you can
drive straight through horizons and sink
don't be so metallic think it through

its not like you to be so magnetized
by something "deep" and in disguise
by something so cheap you used to despise.

desert exit California
i use to think i did it for you


© 2017 mercy party



My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Best lines:

and i'm falling in rank
and you're falling in love

They seem like simple words but the meaning grabs hold of the heart. When it comes to love we want to be at the top of the totem pole not the bottom or middle. Only the top matters.

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

8 Months Ago

Thank you for your take on that. Your assessment is correct. Glad you read it! : )



Reviews

This is so good MP, all round I find your writing solid, consistently good.
This actually was vibin a eagles type flow 'New kid in town' type feel, that entire 4th verse just resonates with me! Great stuff my man! R xo

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

"drive straight through horizons and sink"
love this line.

desperation and giving up, evident.

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

8 Months Ago

and i thank you.
"and i'm falling in rank
and you're falling in love" Good lines!

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

8 Months Ago

thank you much, i do appreciate that!
Best lines:

and i'm falling in rank
and you're falling in love

They seem like simple words but the meaning grabs hold of the heart. When it comes to love we want to be at the top of the totem pole not the bottom or middle. Only the top matters.

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

8 Months Ago

Thank you for your take on that. Your assessment is correct. Glad you read it! : )
it's like an Eagles' song in a way...there is that stopping over feeling...that one night love affair, one falls more than just on the bed, the other needs to keep moving on.

nicely done...a couple spots..in second stanza "make it past the city walls" and a couple of apostrophes...

but you really do set a mood in this poem...we feel this place from your words.

Posted 8 Months Ago


mercy party

8 Months Ago

very sound advice. the Eagles had a sort of moving on sound about them in all their songs. very flat.. read more
you know when you sit at lonely bar. and sutendly some stranger tell whole his or her story. and you feel part of it . so this is it completly same . i love it.

Posted 8 Months Ago


mercy party

8 Months Ago

that's cool. Its funny, i'm the only one who didnt stop in at the bar in this whole story, but belie.. read more
WRITER-----------TYPEWRITER

8 Months Ago

ha ha ha thats good one
I like your poem. You are a talented poet.

Posted 9 Months Ago


mercy party

8 Months Ago

thanks, thanks for checking it.
a most compelling piece that indeed evokes a sense of desperation, subtle anxiety, keeps the reader engaged till the end

i enjoyed the lyrical meter and rhyming scheme as well.
thank you for sharing

Posted 9 Months Ago


mercy party

9 Months Ago

much much appreciated! this was #8, the story ends with four more poems. it never resolves it only u.. read more
ms. barrie

9 Months Ago

you're most welcome...i look forward to reading more of your writings:)
Their preferences have altered but not for the better - in fact it's a self-destructive kind of change. Car crash ahead only they can't see it or don't care if it does end up in an inferno. Just fed up caring.
This had the fast action pace of a Statham movie M.P.



Posted 9 Months Ago


mercy party

9 Months Ago

i like your take on this one. you have a grasp on whats going down,( or who) : ). thanks man! alwa.. read more
Oh wow, I can feel the desperation in this one "if you say no, I wont go" telling him "Choose me! Me!" But also saying that it's fine if he chooses the other one. Nicely written

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Months Ago


mercy party

9 Months Ago

thanks! yea it's for sure along those lines of love and martyrdom. i am glad you felt it.

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

396 Views
10 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on January 24, 2017
Last Updated on January 30, 2017


Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..