Vermilion Part 1

Vermilion Part 1

A Poem by Undying Glory
"

My version of Slipknot's song "Vermilion Part 1". About a guy and a girl he could never have...

"
Vermilion Part 1

She walks past me and she smiles,
And it hurts me so much
So close to me, yet so unreachable, 
She continues to sing
She waves at me, but she's not alone,
And oh, how it hurts my soul
Enter the night that she came home
Forever

SHE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT MAKES ME SAD!

She is everything to me
Yet she's not with me
My Dahlia bathed in possession, 
She is home to me
I get nervous, perverse, but when I see her it's worse,
And I need her so much
It's now or never, she's coming home
Forever

SHE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT MAKES ME SAD!

Hard to say why I can't control this
Fixed and crazy, and it's her that I miss
Carve her name in my heart, and leave me here
Leave her face in my mind, and all my fears

I won't let this build up inside me (x4)

I'm just a slave, and she's just my master
When I look at her, my heart just beats faster
If only he wasn't there, I would be fine
But it's over and gone, and I'm living a lie

I won't let this build up inside me (x8)

SHE ISN'T REAL!
I CAN'T MAKE HER REAL!
SHE ISN'T REAL!
I CAN'T MAKE HER REAL!




© 2010 Undying Glory



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Featured Review

"I get nervous, perverse, but when I see her it's worse"

This line really stood out. Its my favorite.

"SHE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT MAKES ME SAD" ........
Normally I wouldn't be too fond if this line in poetry. It may seem a little bit dry.

HOWEVER...as a musician I get it. I get this sense of sinister Drop-C palm muting riffs on top of a really tight metal bass line with almost a funk groove to it. I can feel the tension building as the verse moves along and then...all of a sudden the guitars come on and those words cause the crowd to erupt into a chaotic mosh pit.

This "poem" as a poem its definitely hard to grasp... But the vision of a Metal head can see a real gem. I dont know if you will pursue music, but I encourage you to at least try it as a hobby.

*edit*--> I never even read the description until i finished this review...
You expressed yourself very well.



Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

nice

Posted 7 Years Ago


"I'm just a slave, and she's just my master
When I look at her, my heart just beats faster"

There's just too many "justs" here too close together. I'd at least lose the third one. Just a thought. Repetition can be a strong conveyance of meaning if used in logical progression i.e. as in Walt Whitman's A Noiseless Patient Spider...but here it simply clutters the rhyme and the flow. By removing the last "just" you equal out the meter to ten syllables in each line; another reason for doing so.

Posted 7 Years Ago


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ZmH
wow this is very good. i was breathless. im sure many have felt this way before, but the way you described it. very good write your words are very powerful.

Posted 7 Years Ago


wow this is great and intense...I can really "hear" this song as it goes along...Great job!!

Posted 7 Years Ago


"I get nervous, perverse, but when I see her it's worse"

This line really stood out. Its my favorite.

"SHE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT MAKES ME SAD" ........
Normally I wouldn't be too fond if this line in poetry. It may seem a little bit dry.

HOWEVER...as a musician I get it. I get this sense of sinister Drop-C palm muting riffs on top of a really tight metal bass line with almost a funk groove to it. I can feel the tension building as the verse moves along and then...all of a sudden the guitars come on and those words cause the crowd to erupt into a chaotic mosh pit.

This "poem" as a poem its definitely hard to grasp... But the vision of a Metal head can see a real gem. I dont know if you will pursue music, but I encourage you to at least try it as a hobby.

*edit*--> I never even read the description until i finished this review...
You expressed yourself very well.



Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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493 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on January 15, 2010
Last Updated on January 15, 2010
Tags: Slipknot, vermilion, part, 1, guy, girl

Author

Undying Glory
Undying Glory

Singapore, Singapore



About
The average guy you'd meet on the street, only with a hidden streak. Or several, for that matter. Twitter: @EdgeHidhir Age: 20 Likes: Chemistry, Biology, documentaries, computer games, music (al.. more..

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