the namer of names

inspired by and dedicated to DR. WOOD

The namer of names
Brian Bactrian met Deidre Dromedary
on a sizzling summer singles holiday
At a hotel for star crossed lovers
owned  by the Capulet brothers

He adored her face so flawlessly triangular
Her silky eyelashes were a perfect perpendicular
And when they kissed with their swollen split lips
She flushed and fluttered all six eyelids.

They spent every day romancing
And every night they went sand dancing
She said” oh! Brian you’re such a great dancer”
And he replied…. “you are too
.two toes for each foot is the answer.”

He said “let us live together forever
Grow old and masticate cud together.”
She said “my dad will never agree
He hates the Gobi  you see
Says the Sahara is better
It’s a little bit wetter
And anyway it’s nearer the sea.”

“Elope with me you’ll never worry
I live on inherited money
My papa once followed a star
With some bloke called Balthazar?

Now his pictures on every Christmas card printed
They can stick their myrrh and  their gold
I get a cut from every card sold
Which means my dear that I’m minted.”

Next day in a private hire car
took the silk road to Zanzibar
Where they were wed with rings of silver
by a  runcible cat In a panama hat
And a grin like the mouth of a river.

A Zoroastrian priest
 ordained a moveable feast
Which was magical and  exceedingly clever
Because although in an hour the meal would be over
The feast would stay with them forever

They dined on ginger nut roast
Ate cinnamon toast
and olives stuffed with  cloves
Followed by coriander pies
With a nutmeg surprise
And crusty black pepper loaves

I think you can see where I’m going
It’s not called a spice island for nothing.



And when the cat said “what more can I bring you”
They looked him straight in the eye
And without hesitation continued
“we’ll have some thornberry pie”
Oh! they’d hit him with the DESERT menu!

that night on the edge of the sand
they glanced at the light of the moon
camels cannot walk hand in hand
so they just sat… swooning in dunes
But luckily that’s their favourite positionary
It’s all they’ve got it’s their missionary

I can see by the look on your face
That you want to cut to the chase
Get to the point of this story
Before it gets too boring
But this delay has a reason because
this is a pregnant pause

A mere thirteen months later she was 80 lbs lighter
She swore at Brian and even cursed that nice doctor
But when she set eyes on her child
She just smiled and smiled and smiled!!
when a voice from the back(it was the runcible cat)
 made an outrageous claim
“Listen to me everyone for I am the namer of names
And sometimes my job is not easy
Sometimes my job is quite hard
Is he a Dave or a Percy
When is a giraffe a camleopard
About this child there’ll be no controversy
Just count the humps on his back,
 His name just has to be Humphrey.
And that is that”
And it was

Reviews

[Pete Langley]

Love it, love it. If you wake up with the hump, you`ll lose it after you read this!
Superb, fred. P.

[fred]

thanks pete glad you enjoyed it

[KAOlmsted]

Oh wow...this is epic. I am smiling with my whole entire heart right now. (Your brother Dave is a very good friend of mine here in the Cafe) I love the breaks...perfectly timed, and the first one, "I think you can see where I’m going...It’s not called a spice island for nothing." made me laugh out loud. Fantastic stuff. I'll be certain to thank him for passing this along to me.

[Dr. Wood ?]

well that was a journey and a half....Bloody great, I say......

[KAOlmsted]

In fact, I'll do it right now...Thank you! for passing this along to me ;-)

[fred]

thankyou so much for that, ive never attempted anything like it before.. as i said the doc inspired me

[KAOlmsted]

It was great, really. My pleasure.