In My Mind

"Hello! My name is-"
*Woah, why is he talking to me?
Should I be smiling?*
I quickly smile
Too wide, I feel like a tiger, flashing my fangs for dominance
*I'm going to scare him away
God, why am I like this?
Who is he anyways?
What if he's destined to be someone important to me someday?
Maybe he's-
S**t, what'd he just say?
He probably asked my name*
"I'm A"
"That's not what I asked, but cool!"
*Come on, I tried*
Anxiety seized my stomach and he continued talking, thankfully
"That's kinda mysterious, is it short for something?"
"Uhm. I don't enjoy using my full name, it's connected to too many horrible things. With A there is no background. No..."
*I'm getting way too deep, way too soon
I need to stop*
"baggage or association with myself"
I take a deep, choked breath
*Does he understand I just poured my soul out to him?
Why do I always f**k things up?
Also, why do I cuss so much in my mind?
I haven't uttered a foul word in my life, but they rattle around in my dark thoughts
Now I'm talking to myself, add that to my list of ridiculous traits*
"Well that's cool I guess"
He sat back in the wooden chair, relaxed
He stared off to the left, thinking about something I'll never know
*I need to know*
"What are you think-"
He pushed himself up
Every muscle in his legs and stomach contracted to move him gracefully
He raised an open palm toward the entryway
*S**t*
"Hey A, I'll catch you later. Nice meeting you!"
*Nice meeting me
Is that all he could say?*
"Bye-"
*It suddenly dawned on me that I never heard his name
But he was already walking away, so I didn't bother finishing my statement
I'm never going to know what synapsed between his ears when he stared vacantly in that coffee shop
I'm never going to know if he actually wanted to know me
Or if I was a distraction
Something to busy him until they arrived
And he'll never know that he was the first person in a long time that didn't talk with A
He was talking with me*
I smiled at his back, putting my pen back on the paper, alone, as he laughed with the person in the middle of the room, where he belonged

-A