Comfort

Depression is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, but I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and I hope you all do to, in whatever challenges life throws at you!

COMFORT

 

It's the feeling you get

when you realize

she's

gone forever

and you feel the sky

crashing down like a navy blue

skyline and the

snows of Wyoming and Utah

become such a monster

and wave of anger and

ice blue

that you curl up

next to the

ceiling and wait for

the sun to go down one night

and never come back

because you don't want it to

 

It's the feeling you get

when you don't eat, don't drink,

don't look and stranger in the eye

and a friend only in one eye

And you don't eat

but you s**t so much one

hole can't do it for you,

so you puke this stuffing you ate

at Grandma's

four years ago and

you lie, to your friends, to your

family, your mentors,

You lie to yourself

but more importantly

lie to the people

who care for you the most and

you scream at them"Leave me to be!"

but the only one that

does

is yourself.

 

It's the feeling you get

when there's no more s**t to

be spewed

just tears now

 

It's the feeling you get

when you wake up at dawn

and try to fall asleep again, because

a dream is called a dream

for a reason

and in that solace you

can make something

much better

than snow and

false smiles, and these dreams

are so inviting the

real world becomes a dream,

and you sleep for 22 hours a day

because you don't

ever want or expect to escape

a dream you've been having for 2 months now.

 

It's the feeling you get

when you look out

your windown

and in

your ex's eyes

and you see the same

white lines of snow

swirl over nothing at all

 

It's the feeling you get

when you walk into his

office,

and he smiles and laughs

and you think he cares

until you see

his tongue

holding in a laugh

and his throat writing

CRAZY

on the white board

and all he thinks to do is say

your brain is wrong.

You.

Are.

Wrong.

And he fills a bottle

with little

peach pills and says

come see me in a month.

 

You don't feel

when you swallow one

pill after another

because

you're not supposed to

and you can't complain

because you f****n'

asked for it

so day after day

your stomach weakens

but your tear ducts

are as strong as ever

and all the while

you don't see

your brain shutting down.

 

And with these pills

You feel.  Nothing.

Not misery, not happiness,

not ice blue, not green,

Nothing.  You slowly

fall

and at first you could see where you

were going to land, but now

it's faded too.  All you see

are her eyes.  And hers.

But don't care.

it's comfortable here.

But just as you're about to 

close your eyes for good

you see a mirror, and in the

mirror you're crying.

And you reach up

and feel tears sliding

down your frown lines

Why?

Because where you are,

that's not happiness.

That's a shell full of

snow and dreams of where you could be.

 

It's the feeling you get

when you feel again

because feeling nothing is

wrose that feeling misery and

there must be a day

for a night and

an ocean to be land.

The ocean can reflect your

mountains all it wants

but climbing them and looking

at the horizion is so much

better than being

a reflection.

 

And in that moment

of focusing on

where the ocean meets

the skyline

there's acceptance.  There's

comfort

 

Becuase you know

as you look across the

rolling waves of the ocean that

there is a boat

meant for you and

a captain destined to travel

in it.

She can teach you

how to enjoy the high points

in the waves

and embrace the lows.

And learn from the mistakes

that brought you here.

 

It's the feeling you get

when you realize everything

You've been

through

has made you stronger.

And you can thank her

for giving you

the happiest memories you have

and the strength to

carry on

without her

 

It's the feeling of comfort

you get

looking into the future

and seeing

exactly

where you will land.

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid read and write...Thank you for penning...:)

[Stacey]

WONDERFUL write!!! You described beautifully the effects of depression and the exhale one feels when overcoming the mountain. You nailed it when you stated it's better to feel again, feeling nothing is worse than feeling misery! Loved the write and enjoyed the read tremendously!